Practice 12/29/16

So, here's a recap for the last couple of weeks. Leading up to juries, I managed to get bronchitis, so I spent a lot of time coughing pretty violently, and my voice got pretty tired from it. (The fact that I got through my jury without hacking my lungs out or coughing at all is pure luck.) During that time, however, I was still able to get some practice done (gently, of course), as long as I practiced during a time when I wasn't having a coughing spell.

After about five days into the break, I got better from bronchitis and have been pretty consistent with my practice over the break. I have been noticing some weird things in my singing. A weird squeezing whenever I ascend above a C5, and an edginess in my voice. There was also the feeling that I couldn't get out of my throat; the sound felt like it was eminating from my folds, and not outside of me, like it usually does when it feels/sounds like what I should be doing. 

I spent about a week trying to figure out what it is that I was doing that wasn't working, but I think a lot of it was just a lack of patience. Also, I decided to switch up my practice schedule, which I think really helped. Rather than starting practice in the afternoon, I would start around 10-11 a.m. (I got really lazy and slept in a lot this break...) During school, I have noticed that my best singing days were the ones where I began vocalizing/aligning the voice earlier in the day. 

Some things that really helped me get out of my odd vocal funk:

• Lessons 2/26 and 2/27/16
• plug ears occasionally. Get accustomed to both the sensory and auditory feedback. 
• Don't set the tongue. "Dare" the larynx to go up, rather than forcing it down with the root of the tongue. (This sounds a lot worse than what I'm actually doing.) 
• focus on the good
• space between back molars
• the breath gesture is depth. Not making the depth. 

I did a good amount of stretching my upper body while gently easing myself into vocalization, and that helped a lot as well. 

• Inhale the vowel you want to come out
• If your throat opens up as you inhale after singing, that means you were closing down to make sound. The only difference between singing and inhaling is the direction of the airflow. 
• Lighten as you ascend. Don't get impatient with the sound. 
• Use the [n] or [m] hum on a single pitch and ease into a vowel to get out of the throat. 
• [nim nem nam nom num]
• Tracheal tug exercises; ground yourself with the breath, not the root of the tongue. 

Lesson 12/3/16

I was very sleep deprived before this lesson. As usual. I really really need to get my sleep schedule together sometime. That would be very nice. 

• Lip trills 1-5-1-5-1-8-1
• 1~8~1
• hug the fat man 
• Don't be too relaxed. Be energized. 
• the throat is a microcosm of the body. Release in the breath/body=release in the throat
• keep things simple; siren doesn't have vibrato. 
• "yawning" 8-7654321
• exaggerate shoulder tension to juxtapose with release
• "many" 123-234-345-456 etc. 
• Think in opposition to the tension
• Don't make the pitch. 
• Be less sing-y. Just stretchy phonation feeling. 
• [ng] [a] + crazy face 5-4-3-2-123454321. 
• have a pointy [ng] (not spread) 
• Think of having energy to release, rather than dead and released/lazy. 
• [fi fe fi] 56-45-34-23-1. Think of pleasant things. 
• don't think of long. Think of up. 
• esp. for tired days. Better to think of buoyancy than forcing energy.
• [a] 1538531538531538531. 
• bounce on bottom/top notes, and think of the middle notes as just cues to wiggle
• extend the exercise. Use [o]. 
• sing out of your tear ducts. 
• "achoo" 1-1-1-1-8531
• "ro-cking" 1-3-5-8531
• "raj-yaj-yaj(ng)-king" 
• slow down this exercise to think, rather than do. Don't make anything happen with the muscles. 
• go through [e] on the way to [i]
• the jaw doesn't help. everything is internal. 
• dummy on bottom, genius eyes. 
• eggshell exercise (with [u] external) [u o a eh e i] 
• feel the vowels change at the lips
• check tongue engagement (under the jaw) when changing vowels/pitch
• WATCH A-O JOINT BALANCE.
• [i e a] 1234543212345678987654321
• when you stop singing, if you tongue releases, you were grabbing. 

During the lesson, I was a little frustrated because my tongue kept on engaging, but by the end, I felt like I was beginning to re-grasp what it was like to sing in a released manner. 

Practice 11/28/16

SNOW. YAY. 

Got about 3 hours of sleep last night (grad apps... you know how it be). Not feeling exhausted... yet. I'm actually quite awake. Just waiting for the crash. Also really dehydrated. Had some coffee yesterday (which contributed to my near all-nighter). 

• Lesson 7/2/16
• Think the vowel before you sing
• Think the vowel at the pitch you want to sing. Mouth closed-ish. 
• Start with ears plugged
• The throat is open/released from the breath
• Breathe in the vowel
• Use the whole head as resonator
• SIMPLE sound. 
• sounded better on grad recording when I thought "simple"
• sternum breath. 
• maintain gesture of the inhale 
• release jaw 
• fat/horizontal tongue! not just vertical release of tongue. 
• buoyancy
• on open vowelsa [a, o, u]: same space; pitch just changes. Same released/open back of pharynx/throat. 
• Took out one of the earplugs
• Find the steeple. 
• Balance A-O Joint
• SIMPLE. 
• even breath flow as you arpeggiate up. 
• internal smile
• unicorn horn
• NO closing down the back pharynx as you do the "I may" exercise
• Don't "make" depth. Allow the breath to do that.
• ~30-35 minutes

Side note: I definitely have caffeine voice. It's a weird type of dry and sandpapery, but it's not bothersome. No glottal scrape here. 

Practice 11/20/16

So. I'm sick. I've had a steady flow of thick mucus running down the back of my throat and dripping onto my folds since Friday. And this is super exciting because I have recording sessions with Dallas in two days. WOOOOOOO. Livin' on the edge (of life). Because of this, I've been having some mild coughing, but it's not extreme. The urge to cough only happens every once in a while, and I can lessen the intensity of the cough so I'm not hacking out my lungs. That being said, I've been taking Mucinex and Nyquil in the hopes that it will help me get better faster. I've been able to vocalize, but it takes a very long time for me to find the edge of my folds and find my resonance. However, it is forcing me to be more aware of my breath flow because if I punt air at all, I'll cough. 

• Lesson 11/11/16
• child-like
• tracheal tug
• suck air a straw [u]
• "hugging a fat man"
• sides of soft palate
• don't close down as you descend
• Lesson 7/18/16
• Don't judge the sound! 

I spent about 2 hours (on and off) working on released my voice and trying to find the edge of my folds, and I got to an acceptable place, but it wasn't optimal. Sometimes I would get the urge to cough mid-phrase, so I had to stop. 

Practice 11/15/16

So, to recap on last night; I ended up having a small mental breakdown in the practice room during my evening practice session. It was getting really frustrated because I wasn't making the sound that I wanted to make, and it wasn't going as well as it had in the beginning of the day. Long story short, I sat down, felt sorry for myself for a bit, and then left.

That being said, I was really determined to do much better today than yesterday. I knew there were a lot of things wrong with my mentality last night: "making" sound was my biggest issue, and I also lacked patience with myself.

Today, I spent the entirety of my practice with earplugs in. I didn't listen to myself at all, no matter how tempting it was. I focused all of my energy on becoming familiar with sensation, and in the end, (no surprise), my voice felt very free and easy by the end of my first practice session. When I returned to my practice during the afternoon, again, I put my plugs in, and I found a very free and easy production. This repeated in the evening when I went back one last time. By the end of my final practice session, I felt comfortable enough in the muscle memory to take out one of the earplugs and practice some of my rep with one normal ear. Once I had established an easy throat, it was much easier to give myself permission to listen to my sound, but I found myself often wanting to manipulate it. That's when the earplugs would go back in.

By the end of the night, I was singing Bb5 with relative ease because I was able to focus the mental aspect of the practice, rather than trying to directly tell body parts to do things.

********

I started out the day with some swelling that is definitely telling of some on-coming illness. My tonsils were a little swollen, and there was a scratchy feeling on my folds (that wasn't an acid reflux thing). I spent most of my day wearing a mask because of it because I didn't want to spread some potential illness around. (I will say that it made me feel like the Winter Soldier though...)

I didn't do any serious vocalization until after choir (around 2:30), and I did light vocalization until 3:15. Before, I just did some easy warm-up things (lip trills, etc.). Evening session was in-and-out sporadically from 7:00pm and 10:30pm. I tried to keep sessions short (less than an hour at first, then 30 minutes) in order to a) not oversing with this weird scratchy voice, and b) to motivate myself to be as productive as possible in each session.

Listen Lesson 11/11/16

• about to sneeze space
• the tongue is fat, the throat is released and open (not forced open; just there) 
• Jaw is released
• noticed space between my back molars
• lips are loose
• I noticed a feeling of "airiness" as I practiced, but when I took my earplugs out, it didn't sound like it. 
• This started with the "childlike" sounds
• when you ascend, instead of tightening the tongue or moving it around too much, try sending more breath energy instead
• Once I had found pretty decent release, I noticed that as I got higher, the vibrations (not the sound--because I couldn't hear anything) felt "spread" and unfocused, like we talk about with getting higher. So I simply thought about focus and didn't try to change anything as I ascended, and the pitch felt smaller inside, but when I took the earplugs out, it was more focused. 
• I did a lot of squatting when I did leaps in pitch in order to remind myself not to move anything in my throat or tongue. It's all thought and breath energy. 
• Once I established the good, I took away the squat cue to see if I could do it without it. 

I'm finding that it's really difficult to describe what sensations/thoughts were going through my head when I have no sound to go off of. But I will say that A5s are almost too easy when you find the right "focus." It's a little disorienting, because I'll sing the pitch, and it's so easy (especially compared to what I used to do) that I didn't believe I was singing the right pitch. It felt a fifth lower than it actually was because it was so easy. 

To be honest, I'm just glad that I was able to vocalize so well, especially considering that I feel something weird coming in my body. Also, not having a mental breakdown is nice too, I guess. 

Practice 11/14/16 and Lesson Summary 11/11/16

I had a very interesting weekend with the MONC Auditions. I felt myself getting sick the night before; in fact, the sensation that I had on Friday night were similar to what I had the night before I got sick before my Junior Recital last year. So, of course, that was a little disconcerting.

I focused on resting my voice and listening to old voice lessons, really thinking about what I might be forgetting that was also contributing to some weird vocal tensions that I was having. I looked through old practice blogs, and I found that, a while ago, I found Lesson 7/2/16 to be particularly helpful, so I wrote myself a reminder to listen to it the next morning.

When I first started out on Saturday (around 8 a.m.), my voice was pretty much the same. It wasn't worse, neither was it better. But listening to the lesson recording, I was able to get out of the weird vibrato funk that I was in before. I was singing with greater ease than at my lesson on Friday.

For my MONC experience, I'll probably write up a separate blog.

For today, I started vocalizing around 10:45 a.m. (I have a class before). I feel like I'm getting sick, because I'll wake up and go to bed with weird swelling around my tonsil areas, and sometimes I'll spit out blood out of nowhere.

Lesson 7/2/16

• Use whole head a resonator
• I feel like I'm getting sick; nasal passage feels swollen
• vibrato feels edgy and heavy/oscillation
• Conceptualize the vowel before you sing, before the consonant. 
• don't be careful. Be precise. 
• DON'T make a sound. Focus on sensation. 
• Plug ears
• thumb molars
• about to sneeze/yawn
• cool air on roof of mouth
• anchor breath behind sternum and float on top of the space. 
• focused, not spread. 
• Watch that you don't become lazy as you descend. 
• Watch onsets are precise. 
• Watch that back of neck is released!! Entire upper half tends to wind-up. 
• No external help to shape the sound. 
• MORE FOCUSED DOES NOT MEAN MORE PUSH.
• Even breath flow
• RELEASE JAW/soft back molars
• Internal smile
• loose/long cheeks + genius eyes
• ~25 minutes. 

Lesson 11/11/16

• lip trills 5-1. Have a "horse-like" release of air in the beginning.
•  Think the pitch before you begin so you don't have to drag the pitch up from resting point. 
• "sing-ng" 1-8-531. 
• close to the "ng" on 1 and finish the rest of the exercise on "ng."
• This forces you to isolate the larynx so you cannot jam down with the jaw or tongue. 
• flip up to the top pitch. Don't slide up. 
• "wah" [wae] 54321
• Reiterate "wah" on each pitch. Bright. 
• Watch corners of the mouth that they don't turn down
• Don't close in the back to make the bright sound. 
• Return to the "ng" exercise. 
• Just let pitch change. 
• Consistent breath flow
• Don't worry so much about pitch. Sensation!
• watch snarl muscles
• "ng" 8-8-8-8-8531
• "ringing ringing" 8-1-8-1
• Start with larynx down
• Use the "r" 
• < symbol with opening towards the spine. 
• Think about tracheal tug with the breath
• Think of energy on back side of the sternum
• "hmm why not" random pitch-8-5-3-1
• If you feel gravel on the folds, think of the sternum breath
• Or the breath is coming in through a hole in the lower back or the top of the head
• "o-a-o-a" 5-45-35-25-1-5-45-35-25-1 with [o] on the top pitch and [a] on the bottom
• [a] 1-53-85-10,8-53-8531
• prep the high note before you sing
• chew the vowel a little with the flesh
• I experimented with using 'ng' instead of an open vowel
• 1-123-345-56789/10/11-11/10/9-987-7654321 + 1-123-345-56789/10/11/12/11/10/98765421 
• (something like that)
• [vi] on the way up, [ve] on the way down
• As many consonant usages as you need
• Let go of control! Shake it off it you don't know what's grabbing. 
• THINK the pitches/runs. Don't make them. 
• Know the difference between open and stuck and open and released. 
• ~27 minutes

Practice 11/10/16

Strange film over voice/thick mucus? Preventing vibration sometimes.
2/26/16 and 2/27/16.

Woke up at 9:30.

Got about 8 hours of sleep.

Speaking voice feels fine, but there is some gravel/sand-paper-y things going on that I think are left over from last night.

Things feel pretty released though besides that.

Start out in the lower range of the voice (where the mucus/gravel doesn't get in the way) and think "like that" as you ascend. [li le la lo].

It's weird, because I feel like I'm released, but my voice isn't vibrating. And it doesn't feel like a swelling thing.

***

I sang today in Master Class, and it was a bit of a struggle. I felt like my voice was on the verge of cracking the entire time because it was difficult to sing the aria that I chose. But it sounded... okay... in the recording. But by the end of the aria, my voice was pretty tired.

I had a quick coaching with Dallas, and it felt better, but I'm not sure if it was because of the time of day, the room we were in, or something else. But either way, my voice is pretty pooped, and it's only 3:00 in the afternoon. I'm going to take things easy for the rest of today and tomorrow.

Practice 11/9/16

Didn't sleep well last night because, well... Because. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in a state of constant anxiety since last night.

Lesson 2/27/16

• "old man death rattle"
• release jaw; allow space between back molars
• bright vowels rise the side edges of the tongue
• Don't try to make a resonance (i.e. you get a little kermit-y). Allow tongue to release. 
• "about to sneeze"
• loose lips (esp. corners), internal smile
• Don't make space. Space is breath. 
• Don't use your singing to force out a space. If that makes sense. Allow the sound to come out with the space just being there. The space isn't an active thing. 
• If the vibrato gets heavy up top, it's the tongue/jaw pressing down!!

This was from this morning. I never really settled into my voice until the evening today, and I firmly believe it's because I didn't have the patience to work through things.

I came back to the practice room around 7:30 p.m., and it took me a good hour or so until my vibrato quit being so heavy.

I spent the first 30 minutes of my practice on the floor because I just could NOT get my tongue to release. I could feel it grab on anything above an A4. I got quite frustrated, but I tried to think of it in terms of "what if I was sick right now?" so I could trick myself into being more patient with my voice.

I had to take several breaks because I got frustrated, but by around 9:45 p.m. (yeah, I know, it's a long time), I finally started getting the hang of my voice (sort of). At least my resonance wasn't stuck in my throat and my vibrato wasn't like a brick.

After going over my pieces for this Saturday (AHHHHHHHHHHH), I noticed a strange kind of vocal fatigue. It's not the usual "I can't go back into my speaking voice" kind of thing. And I can continue singing without much of a problem, but it's like a scratchiness? sand-papery-ness? that probably comes from an inefficient use of air at the laryngeal level. I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with the breath.

(In fact, I just tested this after typing the above statement, and after focusing more on not allowing the ribcage to collapse, that "leaky" feeling went away...)

Anyways. Some interesting stuff. I'm going to use tomorrow as an attempted simulation for the competition by waking up at the same time I will on Saturday and warming up before performing. We'll see how that goes.

And a side note: Singing makes everything better. Even on bad voice days. It's so... meditative when you get into the groove of things. Clears my head. 

Practice 11/8/16

I've been a little lazy with practice logs--I apologize. But to recap these last couple of days:
I've been working on trying to get more sleep (although Sunday night was kind of a failure) and staying healthy because I can feel myself on the verge of getting ill. I've also been struggling a bit to get my soft palate up, and Cindy's recommendation of the "old man death rattle" really helped.
My acid reflux has also been getting really bad lately; I'll wake up with burning in my throat.

Today, I didn't really get to align the voice before choir, but I used that opportunity to really try some new things, like the "death rattle" (haha), releasing the jaw, etc. By the end of the rehearsal, I actually felt pretty good. Immediately after, I had a coaching with Dallas, and I felt pretty good about it vocally. Dallas told me that I need to have a greater volume output in order to be competitive for my Rossini, but it could just be that it's low in my tessitura. The other pieces felt better in terms of volume.

I'm starting to lean towards doing the Stephano aria (even though I'm sort of scared of it to be completely honest), but I think it's more secure and easier to believe than the other two fast arias.

When I went back to listen to the recording of our coaching, I noticed that my pitch tends to... travel? move around a lot. It never really settles because things are moving so quickly in my fast pieces. I didn't hear much of a problem in the slower pieces, but it's just an observation I made. I need to be more grounded in my breath, I think.

This isn't really much of a practice log, but I just thought I would reflect on how things went today.

Practice 10/31/16

Today I woke up feeling a little sick, with the back of my throat a little tender from reflux and my naso-pharynx feeling a little inflamed (the way it does when I get sick). However, as the day went on, I began to feel better.

I'm also discovering that my best singing days happen when I wake up early-ish (around 8 or 9am) and begin practicing around 10 or 10:30am. It's just a trend that I'm noticing.

For the first half of the day:

• Follow Lesson 2/27/16 and 2/19/16
• lip trills--they're typically released, so think "like that"
• watch upper lip: tends to stiffen
• little ball of air just behind your upper teeth and resting on the blade of your tongue (front tip to center of tongue). You don't want it to fall out, but you don't want to squish it either. 
• Don't force back of throat open at all!
• consistent breath flow
• focus on what you liked!
• allow jaw to swing open.

By the end of this practice session, I felt pretty released, but I never got to my optimal place. That being said, I attributed it to the fact that my voice never had time to really warm up at this point. 

As the day wore on, my technique kind of fell down the drain, so after Choral Scholars rehearsal, I went back to the practice room to work some things out. I started out feeling pretty tense, like the back of my throat was closing up. It was much like that sensation I've described before: feels like singing through a brick wall. It wasn't that bad, but it was getting there, so I definitely wanted to stop it. 

Evening session:

• Lesson 2/27/16 (for ~10-15 minutes), then 10/7/16.
• I tried to find release, but for the first 30 minutes or so, I struggled to find it, so I went to the floor and spent another 20 minutes following along, but allowing gravity to weigh down on me to help me release. Followed the 10/7/16 lesson on the floor. 
• This helped me to release the back of the pharynx, my neck, shoulders, etc. I became more aware of extraneous movement in my body. I move a lot in the practice room, but I never noticed that I was so (unnecessarily) fidgety. 
• Think of vertical AND horizontal release (aka side edges of the tongue are fat too)
• The bright vowel "ride the side edges of the tongue."
• Once I felt comfortable with the release in my body, I went back up, thinking about how released I felt on the floor and allowing my tongue to be fat in my mouth. Thinking about a) even breath flow, b) released back of the neck/throat, and c) fat edges of tongue really helped. These are the things that, if I remember to address them, help me find my more optimal resonance. 

My only downfall with finding good release (especially at night) is that I get too eager to sing and then I over-sing. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit of a faster process... 

Practice 10/27/16

Again, what started out as a pretty horrible vocal day ended up really good... I dare say the best I've sounded??? in a very long time. But that being said, it took me pretty much all day to get to this point.

I started out the day with some short vocal warmups by following along with Lessons 2/26 and 2/27/16, but my voice was very slow to respond. It could have been because I had to wake up early, I was tired, and my voice felt pretty raw from overexertion yesterday and acid reflux. After about 30 minutes of practice, I had a short 30 minutes coaching with Dallas, and we went over a couple of my arias. Again, my voice still felt like a brick (much like yesterday), with my larynx and soft palate feeling like it weighed a million tons, but I was kind of able to fake it towards the last 10 minutes of the coaching.

During choir, we did a lot of "sing this piece on [u]" for 35 minutes. About five minutes into it, I decided to use this opportunity to do some pencil work, so I stuck a pencil in my mouth and sung, really thinking about the concepts that I had considered yesterday in my practice.

When I got home, I practiced for about an hour and decided to follow along with another lesson, because my voice still felt pretty heavy, and this is when things got much better, but by this time, it was around 3-4 pm.

Lesson 2/19/16

• The breath gesture creates the depth. 
• "Depth is not shape. Depth is breath gesture." 
• With this in mind, I really really thought about having a neutral mouth and tongue, and thinking the vowel and pitch, while allowing all "depth" to be in the body, and trusting that the sound would be as "full" as it wanted or needed to be. This included anything in my "chest" voice. 
• When I got it right, it felt as though my tongue was going to fall out of my mouth because it was so fat, especially on my [i] vowels, but it was completely effortless from the larynx up. I felt really anchored in my body when it was right, and weightless up above. 
• My mouth isn't as open as I thought it would be, and I don't need it to be open in order to be released. If I need to sing higher, just let your jaw swing open as it needs to. 
• Let the air come in through the nasal passage if it wants. "Let the air come in. Dilation, not 
• sucking in air through the nose." 
• Don't anticipate consonants. 
• "Forward presence without closing out in the back." (I thought of the back wall of the pharynx at this point, really thinking about feeling no closing down in the space especially when I was moving around in pitch.) 
• horizontal release
• Release only the air above the larynx. "Open up the space, but don't let go off all the sound" was an instruction that was a little helpful. 
• Again, I thought of the space above the back molars as the place where the vowels resonated from. 
• Don't try and make yourself "sound like a mezzo." Depth is in the breath! You don't make depth in your throat. 
• For pitch change, nothing moves. Just think it and trust that you can do it "like that." 
• FOCUS ON WHAT YOU LIKE.
• ~12 minutes for this alignment session. 

After having done this, singing my repertoire was very easy. Sometimes I would plug my ears to get a better sense of what was moving unnecessarily, and I would usually only do this if, no matter what I seem to be doing, I can't seem to convince myself to trust that the pitch will just happen. 

After this practice session, I left for a Choral Scholars rehearsal and came back, followed the warm ups again, and found my good sound again. After singing like this, I can understand how an opera singer can sing an entire 3 hour opera and not be vocally destroyed by the end. It's so effortless and easy, and it makes me excited and happy to sing. It only took me about four hours of spaced practicing to figure it out [insert heavy sarcasm here]. 

Let's see if I can recreate this again tomorrow.... 

Practice 10/26/16

Today was a good practice day, although it didn't start out that way. I kind of woke up on the wrong side of the bed in addition to my vocal "bleh-ness." I've been feeling my vibrato very strongly in my throat, and it's been obnoxiously heavy and difficult for me to sing anything higher than an A4. My folds felt a little abused because I've been trying to get past that in my practice, but by the time I got close to getting out of it, my voice got tired.

I had multiple practice sessions throughout the day, and each time I went back in to practice, I felt better about my voice. The first practice session was about 1 hour long, and just as I was getting into the groove of it, the fire alarm went off. Of course. The second session was about three hours later for another hour, and I felt pretty good because I was able to find the good spot again. By the time I got to opera, things were aligned pretty nicely, and my G5s were really effortless, and that kind of caught me off guard to be completely honest.

I started out the day (because from the moment I woke up, I could feel the tension...) by listening to some of my favorite artists, and getting the sound of a released voice in my head first thing.

I tried a different approach today and really took my time, taking care to allow the sound to be soft if it wants to be (rather than forcing out a large sound). (This was really meditative and thoughtful for me because I needed to concentrate to get my mind off of other stressors.) I followed along with my lessons from 2/26 and 2/27/16.

• internal smile --> cheeks. No snarl.
• thumb top molars up!
• loose lips --> magnetic lips
• don't be afraid of "airiness." Don't press to make a "clear" sound. 
• This was key. I've just been too involved in bringing the folds together, rather than just letting them vibrate. 
• release in a "horizontal" breath, as well as vertical release
• I figured that since I had been focusing on releasing in a "vertical" way (it's hard to explain), doing something in the opposite direction might help. 
• Watch the frown reaction on the lips, especially with dark/rounded vowels and descending passages. Think up as you go down. 
• Panting to release adductors 
• Tip of tongue stays resting against bottom row of teeth. Tongue is horizontally fat. 
• If sound falls back, bring to concentrated point in the middle of the roof of the mouth. 
• No pressing down with the jaw as you ascend. 
• Always ask yourself: What did you like? Why did you like it? Try it again with that in mind. 

Some observations: When I found good release, my mouth wasn't as open as I thought it would need to be, but exaggerating the opening helped me to find it in the first place. The vowel feels like it's floating in the space above my top molars, and the pitch is originating above the top row of teeth inside my skull. Using bright vowels helped me to find this resonance, and thinking "like that" helped to move on to my darker vowels. 

Practice 10/25/16

Okay. Today, I read Cindy's comments and really focused on "smiling more" and having that internal smile, and that helped alleviate a lot of the issues I was having. I have a tendency to frown the corners of my mouth in order to get a darker sound. With that in mind, I followed along with my Lessons from 2/26 and 2/27/16. These lessons really help me with loosening the adductory muscles, and that was something I was struggling with. The internal smile helped raise the soft palate and probably some other things. I also kept things pretty light towards the beginning and kept reminding myself to release my jaw, even during these "smiling" moments.

Practice 10/24/16

Listen to Lesson 10/7/16

• Really feel the "lid" on the breath. 
• Anything below the upper teeth shouldn't be helping! Sound is above that! 
• "You're not going to lose your lid if you start with a good sound." 

Also followed along to Lesson 10/14/16. 

I'm getting back into that mode where everything feels effortful; like anything above an A4 is just difficult. It's hard to explain. It feels like I'm shouting all the time, and I don't know how to find resonance without that shouting feeling. That being said, it's exhausting on my body and on my voice, but I get stuck in these ruts where that's all I feel like I can do. 

I can't tell if my feelings of inadequacy stem from my voice behaving this way, or if it's the other way around. There just seems to be a correlation, and it's getting a little tiring. 

Practice 10/19/16

Warm up with Lesson 10/7/16 (~25 minutes)

• "play me" release jaw, plug an ear to get a sense of breath flow. 
• Your face doesn't need to contort to sing!
• helicopter arms to release the ribcage and lower back. 
• Bright vowels ride on the outside edges of the tongue. 
• Try squatting to open the back and feel the abdominal muscles go in and up as they should. 
• Maintain the connection with the bottom
• Watch clavicular breathing 
• "about to sneeze," thumb molars, and fish jaw. 

Vocal Alignment with Lesson 10/14/16 

• precise onset for the "y" in "ya ya ya." Sing/start as if you're still inhaling on that "y." 
• Try pulling the ponytail for the high. 

I'm really tired today. My voice isn't responding, but I think it's because I'm falling asleep on my feet. Other than that, I think I got to a 6-7 out of 10 in spite of that. 

Practice 10/17/16 and Lesson Summary 10/14/16

Warm-Up
Started out with a pretty "normal" voice. Nothing particularly strange. Some mild reflux. 

• Lesson 10/10/16 follow for ~20-25 minutes.
• Watch posture
• maintain connection 

Lesson Take-Aways:

• You don't need your face/body to make a sound. Just let it go!
• Breathe on your vowel. Watch clavicular breathing. 

Summary: 

• Lesson 10/14/16
• Don't be afraid to release the jaw
• Body and face is neutral! You don't need extra movement/contortions to get what you want!
• "ya/yo" 8531
• Watch tip of the tongue--it's anchored against the bottom row of teeth.
• The heel of the tongue mobile
• breathe in with the "y"
• Watch "hyo." Just "yo." 
• "gai lai" 5432123454321
• less "singy." Simple.
• [g] is crisp and high
• "sh+Vowel" 8-7654321-3-5-87654321 etc. 
• Release the spine as you release air. 
• Try planting the feet and twisting/swinging arms out in a horizontal propeller motion to release the back as you sing. You're bracing too much. 
• [mi si] 54321
• Watch that the [m] stays flexible in the soft palate
• [s] release jaw
• [a e o] 1353-135853-135838531. 
• Stretchy, luxurious feeling. 
• No change in pressure, just change in stretch
• not up and down, but through. 
• vowel internal 
• You don't have to work; just stay out of its way
• As you ascend, there isn't more pressure, but there's more concentration of the sound. 
• Watch that you don't brace with the root of the tongue

Now that I've done some vocalization and singing, I feel pretty good about my middle range and low range, but I've having a hard time finding that balance of "concentration" in the sound while maintaining release so it doesn't feel like I'm screeching, especially for my A5s.... 

Practice 10/13/16

Started out with some crazy acid reflux this morning, so I was a little dry starting out.

• Maintain connection with the bottom. You tend to get shallow as you ascend. 
• Listen to 10/7/16 Lesson, and I read over yesterday's blog. 
• REALLY work on not tucking your chin in. It's become a handicap, and my singing feels/sounds different when the chin is up. 
• Slow 12345678987654321 on a single vowel, allow buoyancy. Plug ears and watch that you don't lose connection with the bottom in terms of "support." 
• Graduate to arpeggios. 
• When paying attention "sneeze space," "thumb molars," and "fish gills," watch that the sound doesn't get swallowed. Remember your unicorn horn. (Out of context, this sentence sounds really crazy.) Also, remember Elevator #2. 
• Did some wobble exercises to loosen things up as well. 
• I've also been noticing lately that not only do I tuck my chin, but I really close the mouth unnecessarily. Gotta remind myself to be free! 

Practice 10/12/16

• Follow Lesson 10/7/16 (~10 minutes)
• Use sneeze space and thumb molars cue PLUS the release air above larynx concepts. 
• Fish gill jaw
• plug ears and record! Make a request before you sing, observe, and give feedback. 
• [a e o] 1353-135853-135838531. 
• Really focus on breath pressure consistency.
• Release air above the larynx! Don't loose your connection with the breath below
• Don't make drastic changes to the physical body as you ascend. Just let it happen. 
• A-O Joint balance. 
• The sound is coming out of a hole in your forehead! Let the bright vowels fall forward and out, not fall back. 
• Recording was really enlightening for me. I noticed that I definitely close off the nasal resonance space, and it's especially noticeable in my [n/m] sounds. So I worked on humming the music and converting that into my singing. 

I'm going to try breaking up my practice more into shorter and more frequent sessions, because I notice after about 25 minutes of "singing" (non-vocalize exercises), I lose my grip on my technique. So I'll try coming back to it later. 

Lesson Summary/Take-Aways 10/7/16 and Practice 10/10/16

Before starting this lesson, I didn't warm-up as usual and came with a cold voice, because I've noticed that a lot of my vocal issues from the get-go are pretty consistent, so I figured that we'd work through these issues together.

Lesson Summary:

We spent the first couple minutes discussing my last Lesson Summary, and something really interesting that I learned from this discussion was the idea of having all the air in the world available to you above the larynx that's released, and there's a "river" of air beneath the larynx that never pushes its way up, but it's available for the larynx to pull from.

• lip trills on 5-1-5-1
• feel like we're releasing all of our air, but our lips are regulating it. 
• move the head around for release in the neck area as well. 
• [a] 1-8-1-8-1-8-1 
• Do this in three different neck positions. 
• It's going to sound ugly. 
• "play me" 8-7654321
• [pl] put the pressure of the air behind the [p], and when you release the explosive consonant, you release the air above the larynx, not below it. 
• When it's working well, you can feel it in the consonant, but not in the body. 
• "yawning, yelling, yodeling" 8-7654321
• You have to be on the breath to be successful. 
• Use the "y" and "ng" to help you! 
• [i] 123454321-8-1
• Go up in the same elevator shaft. 
• [i] needs to have space behind it, not just be forward. 
• [i] 1-8-1 sliding. 
• Always stay connected (like the trust fall, holding arm and leaning back)
• It feels like there's more "tension," but not in a tightening way. Like the belting exercises that Karilyn had me do to keep some chest in my voice as I ascend. Maintain/increasing sense of space in the mouth as I ascend. 
• [fa fe fi fe fa] 56-45-34-23-1
• Don't get shallow. 
• [i] The bright vowels fall out of the mouth, rather than staying behind the teeth. 
• [a] 1-3-5-8-5-3-1-3-5-8531
• Staccato
• Keep face/lips released. 
• Balancing energy as you ascend
• This exercise was difficult! My abs are so tired when I'm done with this exercise.... 
• The onset is everything, and "losing the lid" is everything to do with the breath. 

Take-Aways: 

• The idea that all the air above the larynx is released, and air below the larynx is available, but it's not let through the flood-gates. This was the main idea that helped me the most throughout the lesson. 
• Sing "agitated" music with really free-flowing tone beneath, and it's the words themselves that make it sound agitated, not the breath gesture itself. (L'attente) 

Practice: 

• The soft palate feels a little tense sometimes, especially when I go to sing "Que fais-tu." So I practicing singing it on just the vowels and allowing the music to be smooth as if singing something like "Beau Soir." (Remember, the words make it agitated, not the singing itself.) 
• Take time after the breath to establish the "reservoir" beneath the larynx and releasing above. 

Practice 10/5/16

• Follow Lesson 7/18/16
• Voice has that strange dry/film on it from drinking caffeine/coffee this morning. 
• Think less "sing" and more "do."
• Don't close down space when sound beings. 
• Vibrato is a bit wobbly today, so I'm doing more exercises without it to stabilize breath/tone first. (Whenever I add vibrato, it's always a bit too much/out of control, so I gave up on it and tried something else.) 
• About to sneeze breath + thumb molar cue
• *Thumb molars = help with back pharynx release. Helps to find it, but it's not exactly a position I would do all the time. 
• *about to sneeze = help with upper pharynx/soft palate release
• *gesture of the inhale = the tone should effortlessly ride the top of the airflow. 

~45 minute warm up. Felt pretty good by the end, but my sound seemed a tiny bit strident? But I didn't want to try and "make" a rounder sound because I'm trying to focus more on sensation. 

Lesson Take-Aways and Summary 9/30/16 and Practice 10/3/16

Take-aways:

• "like this"
• Be more giving with everything (performance and technique)

Summary: 

• [fa fe] 564534231
• Thumb under top teeth, to remind you of energy at top of mouth. 
• Juxtapose one in the lower voice with a higher one; maintaining that same sense of space from below as you have when you go up. 
• Think of sense of energy/non-specific or localized activation in top row of teeth to molars. 
• breath flow is consistent and equal (no punting) 
• *Don't be afraid of not-pushing with the air. Don't be too eager with the air to make sound. 
• Think of "angry Korean" for energy in the top of the mouth.
• [u y i] 1-1-123454321
• [u] has a lot of "depth" that you maintain into the other vowels. 
• [y] has a very strong sense of [i] before "exploding" out to the [i]
• "my oh my oh my" 13355331
• *allow the jaw to open like a yawn space. You're allowed to be that open. 
• expect it, and direct it. Don't make it. 
• *Keep head up, but everything else should go up, not just the chin. (i.e. sternum)
• *Remember, it's the upper molars going up, not the jaw going down. 
• breathe in on a [ng] 
• *use thumbs under molar cue so you don't jam jaw down. 
• *plug an ear to get a better sense of breath flow. 
• Breathe in through your back
• [i e] 123454321
• *When this is going well, it feels like my molars are vibrating "warmly" into my skull. It's so weird. and it's really loud with hardly any effort. It was almost irritating how much volume (not edgy or effortful at all) I got out of it. And ascending and descending felt like it was just a thought. Neat-o. 

I spent about ~35 minutes warming up. The thumbs under top molars thing really works and helps me to find that back and up space. It also makes me hyper aware of closing down, where the breath is going, and how much breath is flowing. 

Practice 10/2/16

Today I caught up on my sleep and did a lot of my homework! Woohoo! I also went grocery shopping yesterday, so I actually have food in my house! It's a good day.

So, I took some good notes from yesterday's Master Classes with Karilyn Johnson, and a lot of what she said helped me to find release again. I've been struggling with a) finding the edge of my voice, and b) finding the upper space and releasing the soft palate to allow the resonance to move up without any help from the jaw.

I followed along with my lesson from 9/11/16, and I decided to try out putting my thumbs underneath my back top molars and pushing them up as far as I could and singing into that space. It. Totally. Worked. I've been struggling with my vibrato and finding that upper space, and it's been making my vibrato beat-y and heavy, and it feels like any sort of pitch change is a huge excursion in the larynx. But it was also super confusing, because I felt like I was doing everything as I was supposed to, and something just wasn't working.

As I was following with my lesson, I used my thumb to rest the knuckle against the bottom row of teeth and the top pad of the thumb behind the top teeth. That sort of worked, but it just wasn't enough. I then got the idea to experiment with stretching the back molars even further (MUCH more) than what I thought I needed by putting my thumbs behind the molars themselves. Something just let go, and my vibrato evened out, it was easier to sing on the edge of my voice, and I felt like I had to make hardly any adjustment to my physical self in order to change pitch. And I'm hitting myself because this sort of exercise has worked miracles before, but I never thought to try it again until now. So there's that. (I'm not a complete failure! Yay!)

Practice 9/28/16

As predicted, my voice was still trashed this morning. It's mostly swelling from vocal abuse. I should know better, but here we are. What's done is done. I'm going to be kinder to my voice this week (as I should be anyways, regardless of the situation), and I spent a lot of time in my practice on light exercises.

I listened to the 7/4/16 Lesson after I had started off my practice with some really, really gentle lip trilling. I really focused on my onsets and stayed in the lower/speaking end of my range for a long time. I made sure that even from the A3-E5 leaps, there was no external adjustment for pitch; that everything was internal. I used "nyam nyam" and "ya ya" on 54321 to start new vocalizes, because those exercises helped me thread the voice a little better than just starting on a vowel.

Also, I focused on keeping the sound light as I experimented with internal pitch adjustment. I spent some time with my ears plugged, because that helps me to focus on sensation--breath flow, external movement, internal movement, where things are vibrating, etc.

I spent about ~45 minutes warming up and aligning, and my voice felt much better than it had the previous day or even that morning. There is definitely some swelling still, and it's a little uncomfortable to phonate, but now it's not because of tension. It's just because I wasn't nice to my voice, so it's fried.

Hopefully the voice will start feeling better by tomorrow or Friday. This vocal discomfort is just a consequence of my impatience.

Practice 9/27/16

So, last night, I went back to the practice room and basically went at it until I couldn't anymore. My voice was pretty tired by the end of it all (what can I say, I was stress-singing, and it wasn't very healthy, I'll admit), but by the end of the practice, I realized that I had been holding my breath back in an attempt to prevent punting, and that led to some excess tensions in my singing. Rather than letting the air out and giving permission to the folds to regulate the air, I think I was closing up somewhere to slow it down.

That being said, I've been having difficulty with my breathing these last couple of days; it just feels like I'm always out of breath.

• I started this practice session on easy lip trills, allowing my breath to release as much as it wanted to. 
• Allow the breath to open you up. 
• I spent the first half of my practice sitting and leaning forward against the piano to open the back and pay attention to how the ribs expand in the back as I inhale and exhale. 
• "please" 54321 Allow the [p] to be plosive, and let the air out (but don't be lazy). 
• Thinking "pant" or "about to sneeze" for inhalation helps not to go too crazy with the inhale gesture and overfill. 
• I was really tired, so I spent some time on the floor to focus on breathing and releasing my entire body, especially my neck and back. I followed along with the 2/26/16 lesson, and worked on speech-like approach to vocal onset. 

My voice still feels pretty "beaty" and heavy. I'm really really trying to stay positive here, but it's a bit of a struggle.

*************
UPDATE:

Okay. I sang for master class today in the hopes of figuring out what was wrong. Dr. Hood essentially told me the same thing--that my support system (aka my breath) was lacking. And he was definitely right. After the masterclass, I did some lip trills while trilling the music, and I noticed inconsistencies in my breathflow even at that stage. Figuring out how to fix it though, was another story. We got a couple good moments during the class, but I still struggled a lot. (Even so, I was surprised to find that most people didn't notice how much I was struggling to phonate in class today.)

By the end of the day, my voice felt raw. After opera rehearsal, I was exhausted. I felt like I had been singing through a brick wall all day. It feels as if my folds are just slamming shut and wouldn't let any air through when I go to sing. It reminds me a lot of when my vocal tension dysphonia gets bad. After having thoroughly beat up my voice today, I've decided to really focus on getting enough rest and food. I'm absolutely exhausted, and I have been since the moment I woke up today. I literally fell asleep in my yoga class five times whenever we went to hold a pose.

Not gonna lie, I'm still pretty frustrated at myself (what's new). My singing felt great on Friday--it was nice and free, and open, and there was nothing frantic about it. Now it feels like it never happened. My voice now feels worse than before, which is saying something.

That being said, I'm going to bed. Now. I'm going to put off my homework and do it some other time, because I think a lot of the vocal tensions I have are simply from being worn down physically, not just vocally. Here's to a better day tomorrow.... 

Practice 9/26/16

Followed along with 9/23/16 lesson. My voice feels pretty okay. Normal amount of swelling. Nothing particularly of note. I'm running on 4 hours of sleep. I just have a hard time falling asleep.

• [ga] 8531 on hyperextended opening and then normal opening really helped. 
• Watch that you don't punt with your air! The reason you do better on swollen days is because you're more aware of excessive subglottal pressure!! 
• "sob" approach. Sing to the balcony! Not just to yourself. 
• Once the sound starts spinning, you can let it go. Onset is all you have to do; let the sound do the rest. 
• Sing out of the holes. Be open everywhere (but don't "make" open). 
• Sing on the gesture of the inhale, especially with longer phrases. 

I left feeling a little more released, but still not up to the caliber of my singing last Friday. There seems to be some sort of breathing interference of some sort, perhaps? My folds feel like there's no edge, just a mass of fold just vibrating, if that makes any sense. 

Practice 9/25/16, Lesson Summary and Take-Aways 9/23/16

Some thoughts before I begin:
It's kind of an obvious thing, but I'm really starting to notice how much having food inside you before vocalizing really affects your singing. When I get stressed out, I either a) eat like there's no tomorrow, or b) don't eat anything ever. This last month has been more of a "b" kind of stress, so I haven't been eating much. As a result, I'm starting to understand how much of a difference food really makes. In my head, it's always made sense, but I guess it's just now starting to sink in that my eating habits aren't exactly healthy. I'm going to make it a goal to have a regular eating schedule.

Lesson 9/23/16
With that in mind, I feel like this lesson may have been more successful than last week because I forced myself to eat something before singing. When you're low on energy, it's easy to accumulate tensions because you're compensating for your lack of (breath) energy. I started this lesson pretty tired (from lack of sleep, not lack of food), and my voice felt pretty swollen. Whenever I went to produce sound, there was a small "hitch" in the breath as it would try to vibrate past the folds.

• "please" 54321: Watch that it's not shallow in your preparation. Open yourself up. 
• Let the breath out, let the breath open you, sing, repeat. Let it be organic. 
• 13-35-58-85-53-31 "I" 
• Go around the fat man with the "ay" when you ascend. 
• SUPER "yawn" 8531. 
• switch to "gah." Let the pressure of release originate at the [g], rather than at the folds. 
• switch to regular opening, not hyperextended. Looking for the suddenness of the release, not the breath pressure. 
• "My own" 1-87654321. 
• Have feeling of yawn in [a] of beginning and the [o] of the end, but allow the resonance space to change because of pitch difference. 
• Allow the "squealing" rather than "hissing." 
• "gai lai" 5432123454321. 
• Really think about more neutral face. Don't be dead, but be as released in the face as you are in the low notes in the top notes. 
• [mi me] 13-35-58-85-53-31
• Use finger on the forehead cue. It's like a hole the size of the tip of your finger, and your top note comes out of that hole. Depending on the pitch, the height of that hole will be higher or lower. 

By the time we finished vocalizes, I didn't feel completely ready to sing (at least, if I were in my own practice, I would still be vocalizing), so I wasn't quite sure if singing was a good idea. However, even if I didn't feel ready, I was surprised by how easily I was able to enter the act of singing (if that makes any sense). Just an observation. 

Even now, after following along with the lesson, I don't feel quite ready to sing, so I may go over some of the opening exercises a couple more times before getting into my music. 

Lesson Summary 9/16/16 and Practice 9/21/16

I usually get these summaries in sooner, but I'm going to be completely honest and say that this last lesson was extremely frustrating for me. I may or may not have had to work a little to hold back some angry tears because I couldn't figure out why my tongue or soft palate or throat wouldn't loosen up. It was particularly frustrating because I thought I understood what was wrong (Not so much the case right now, because I have no clue what is going on with my voice these days), but I couldn't get it to go away.

In hindsight, I need to start re-focusing on the positive aspects of my practice and recreating that, but my old habits have been getting the best of me lately.

In my practice since my lesson, I've still been plagued with weird tensions that I can't seem to eliminate, but I think I made some progress today (even though I got excited and may have oversung just a bit). However, by the end of the day, my voice felt pretty shot. Also, I've been doing a good job so far of not getting sick, but it's really difficult when all of your roommates are ill. I felt a little bit of odd swelling in the left side of my throat since I woke up, and I have been noticing that I've been more tired lately. But I'm going to stay healthy. Because I have recording to do this Friday. I. Am. Healthy. I. Am. Healthy. I. Am. Healthy.

Today's Practice (9/21/16): I wrote in my small notebook.

• Have been feeling stiff in tongue/throat for the past couple days. 
• Start low. Use nose breath that is spacious/released in nasopharynx. Use closed vowel [e] for tongue. 
• Start with smile, then move to internal smile. 
• Novocaine Jaw. 
• Be light with sound. Use [nem], but consonants are light. 
• "truly" 8-1 scale. Think [ng] on the 3rd above the top note and really visualize singing it. Breathe in the vowel. 
• Focus on the positives!!
• "Sing" 8-5-3-1
• loose lips!
• Finally released. Now to find the height again. Took ~30-40 min. 
• Sometimes go fast enough to trick yourself and not have time to grab. 
• Follow 9/11/16 lesson. 
• REALLY think loose mouth. 
• steady breath pressure
• avoid the mirror--you tend to "make" faces. 
• [a-o] 1-8-787878-5-3-1.
• resonance shouldn't shift dramatically. if you're having a hard time, allow jaw to fall more open and back! Don't let tongue shove forward. 
• "like that" with breath onset and suspension/sustain
• ~30 min. 
• ~1 hr. total vocal alignment. 
• Feels much better. Tongue less engaged. 

Lesson Summary 9/16/16:

• "way" on child-like descending passages. 
• 1-81-81-81-81 "ah" wobble exercises. 
• "ah-oh" 1-35-3-1358531. 
• "happy surprise" feeling. Things are a bit lazy inside, so don't be so relaxed inside. 
• [i-e-o-a] 12345678987654321-12345678987654321-12345678-arpeggio thing. 
• (This is where I got really frustrated, because I knew what I wanted, and I've done it before, but I was upset that I couldn't do it. To be honest, it still frustrates me.) 
• We worked on this for 10 minutes. 
• Pay attention to breath flow and subglottal pressure. If you allow more airflow, increase the space to reduce pressure. 
• Get out of the sound's way. Never make the sound. 
• [a-o-a] 1-8-531. 
• Have things live in a more nasal place for your consonants when you first start them to find placement. 

This is turning into a really long post, but I have a lot of things on my mind right now. I think I can attribute a lot of my vocal issues to stress, and I feel like this is more of a mental block than anything. I've been trying to work around really strong feelings of inadequacy that I seemed to have developed over the summer. Yes, I'll have my days when my technique falls into place, and I can figure my way out of bad voice days. But I feel like more often than not I'm just flailing because when I think I've figured things out, it falls apart and I'm left in a vocal rut for weeks on end, and it's very discouraging. That's not to say that I still don't love what I'm doing. It's just been really hard when it feels like all the work that you've done isn't manifesting itself in the way that you want it to. I feel all of this stress, and I think it's just showing up in vocal tensions that I haven't felt in a long time. Like old habits rising from the grave. I know it's unreasonable to say that I feel like I've made no progress, because I know that's not true, but when you've got that learning curve that goes up and down, it's difficult when you've been stuck in the down curve for so long, especially when compared to the time spent in the up curve. 

I will admit that typing that out was very cathartic. But that's how my life has been for the past couple of months. I guess the only thing I can do from here is to keep walking forward and hope for the best. 

Lesson Take-Aways 9/16/16

Sorry, I thought I did this, but apparently I didn't.

• Nasally consonants
• Watch that the pharynx stays open/back
• Keep the depth
• Don't move the foot up. Add on top of it. 
• Mole hill to a mountain. 
• Novocaine Jaw/mouth. 

Practice 9/19/16

Voice feels relatively released today. The root of my tongue still feels a little stiff. Listened to Lesson 2/27/16 for about 5 minutes, but I realized I didn't need it.

• Lesson 7/18/16
• Back of pharynx released. 
• Airflow consistency. 
• Lesson 9/11/16
• Think fish gills. 
• I'm feeling a ceiling, and I feel like my soft palate is stiffening or something. 
• I continued to follow along with the lesson, and I thought more about being more generous with my jaw opening without shoving it open. Also, I did the [a-e-o-e-a] exercise, and for some reason, it worked today, and it wasn't working the other days. I'm not quite sure why, but the ceiling went away. 
• I focused on the closed [e] and maintaining that sort of high feeling with the [o] while keeping the depth in my space (not the sound). 

Practice 9/18/16

• Speech-like. 
• Don't make the soft palate rise. 
• Don't punt! Even airflow. 
• Think up as you descend! Don't get lazy as you descend. 
• Stay open! 
• Soften the soft palate, but don't think about lifting it (because that's when you stiffen)
• Novocaine Jaw!
• [u] breath. 

I followed along with the 2/27/16 and 7/18/16 lessons. One thing I really focused on was seeing if I could sing released in a lighter/softer voice. I spent about ~45-50 minutes aligning the voice and making sure that the throat is open and that the airflow is never punting or kinky. 

Another thing that helped was trying to keep things in a speech-like voice, and that helped maintain the depth while singing on the top of the space, if that makes sense. I did this yesterday and today, and I feel much better than I did this last week. 

Practice 9/15/16

So, yesterday was Brooklynn's birthday, so naturally, we went out to eat and celebrate. Funny story--I overate (what's new), and I'm still full from the food I ate yesterday (it is now 9:30am, and we finished eating at 7:30pm). As a result, I woke up with some pretty bad reflux-voice. My folds were pretty swollen, and it took a good 3-5 seconds for any sound to come out when I encouraged it.

However, after doing some approach-from-above exercises, and keeping things light, my speaking voice is now functioning acceptably. Another thing I should note is that I may have been recruiting some root of the tongue tension in my exercises earlier this week, because that area feels a little tight today, and it's more noticeable with the swelling.

• Lesson 2/26/16 for warm ups. 
• Lesson 9/11/16
• Ride on top of the air!! Not air behind the sound. 
• I'm skipping the "many" exercise, because I can't ever seem to release well on my own with that one. 
• I paused the lesson because my voice wasn't ready to move on with the recording. I decided to do more exercises in a descending pattern in the middle range of my voice (G4-C5), and I focused on my jaw and allowing the pitch to land from above. My jaw is stiffening because I realize I've been trying to position it, rather than letting it fall into place. 
• I held a pencil in my teeth and worked on finding internal space before allowing the jaw to fall open. 
• I'm noticing that anything above D5 doesn't want to open up into the resonance that I would like. And... as I'm typing this out, I'm thinking maybe because the passagio is being a beast. So, I'm going to try starting out higher (F5/G5 ish) very light, and then falling into speech-like when I go down. "why not"
• I got a little frustrated, so I lay on the floor and let gravity do its thing, and when I got up, things were a little better.... My jaw feels tight still, for some reason, and so does the back of my tongue. 

I spent about 40 minutes on vocalizes, and now I feel a little better, but I'm still struggling to find adequate resonance in my singing that isn't too diffused. The problem is, I can't find better release when my resonance is diffused, and it's difficult to center the sound while remaining released. 

Practice 9/14/16

I woke up feeling pretty good vocally. I did some fake yawns to stretch out the back of my throat. Yesterday, I noticed that once I found the "sound" that I liked, I had a tendency to stiffen the back of my throat, so the goal is to keep things loose today.

• Start small! Be light, but on top of the pitch/airflow. Just the edges of the VFs
• loose jaw
• Lesson 2/27/16 follow. 
• LOOK for the space; don't make the space. 
• Release in all directions, including forward! Don't be afraid of front resonance, but don't close off the back at the same time. 
• thumb teeth cue.
• Lesson 9/11/16 follow. 
• thumb+teeth. cool air along the entire hard palate (including the front). 
• TRUST the voice. Don't do weird positioning. Just let the sound fall out. 

In the end, I got in a good place, but then I got too excited and oversang.... Yup. Good job, me. [insert heavy sarcasm here]

Practice 9/13/16

I expected really bad reflux when I woke up, but it actually wasn't that bad. I do have a bit of a runny nose, and it feels like allergies. I'm not congested, and I don't feel any other symptoms, so I don't think I'm sick. My vocal default today is pretty low.

• tiny lip trills, with descending glides from super light to more speech-like.
• "about to sneeze" space (works better than telling myself to breathe air on the back roof of my mouth) [o] 54231. Really focusing on onset and maintaining the same sneeze space while I descending. Keeping things very light. Starting pitch around G4 and some above and below. 
• Loose lips/Novocaine jaw. Watch that you don't close down the vowel as you end the phrase. 
• Play 6 before singing to cue approach from above. 
• [li le la lo la] 534231271. Think towards [o] or something more closed. Make it more speech-like on the ending. 
• "nehng" 54-32-12-34-54-32-1. Bounce, Looseness in the consonants, but as close to nasal as possible (well, they are nasal, technically, but it's a placement thing). 
• Watch your jaw. You don't need it!
• [u-y-i] 5-5-54321. Reiterate the top note, even if it's sustained. Release into each one. Maintain same "about to sneeze" before every onset. 
• [a e o] arpeggios. WATCH that you don't punt your air. Wat 'cha doin,' girl??? Just don't! Plugging one ear makes it easier to detect/eliminate distractions so you can focus on the breath. 
• [e] very closed. 
• thumb under teeth cue. 
• ~30 min. I decided to listen to some of my lesson because I was feeling released, but I couldn't quite figure 
• Listen to Lesson 9/11/16 
• ~10 min. My voice felt pretty lined up at this point.

This was a much more successful practice, and I think it all starts with the breathing. If I can establish a good breathing cue from the beginning, everything is much easier. That, and keeping everything released and "soft," especially in the jaw and my molars. 

Practice and Lesson 9/11/16 Summary, 9/12/16

• Lesson 2/27/16: warm up
• Start really light, then go into speech. 
• Cool air on the back roof of the mouth. 
• Big opening with small sound. 
• Lesson 9/12/16: Threading the voice
• "wah": 8531358531, thumb under top tooth
• cold air on top roof of the mouth
• close to yawn
• "yawning" 8531.
• air flow is cool; the pitch lands on top of the air flow. 
• "many" 132435465768798-and down
• incremental yawn/stretch
• [a-o] 1-8-787878-5-3-1. 
• don't punch! Even airflow. 
• [ae] 13-35-58-85-53-31
• think more of space, not of sound. 
• 1353-135853-13583 [a e o e a]
• Novocaine Jaw!! or else you'll have laryngeal scrape. 
• Consonants are very close to nasal, but not. 
• consistent air flow; no punching .
• think vowels as closer to [o] or [e]
• smaller mouth opening, but larger space in back. Look for resonant space all above the mouth. 

I wasn't as released as I was in my actual lesson, but I think that's because I haven't eaten in 18 hours. When I have food in my stomach, it's easier to anchor down the air flowand not wear out the voice with additional air pressure. 

Lesson Take-Aways 9/11/16

These last couple of days I've been feeling a little off in my singing. Things felt just a tiny bit more mucous-y than usual, and I was worried that maybe I was getting sick (since a lot of people that I know are sick right now). My onsets were a little weird still, and my vibrato felt a little bit beat-y (but that's not really news at this point).

I warmed up by following along with the 2/27/16 and 7/18/16 lessons before my voice lesson today. I focused on ease of onsets and keeping things small. My high voice felt there, but I couldn't quite release into my full singing voice without my vibrato getting weird.

• Breathe with cold air on the top of the mouth; the pitch rides the airflow, and the airflow is at the level of the pitch. 
• Novocaine jaw
• all vowels live in the [o] dome
• consonants are very very close to the nasal sounds. 
• Efficiency with the breath comes from efficiency with your singing technique. 
• When the vibrato is being weird, it's usually because the tongue is bunching, and you're not getting high enough with the soft palate. 
• DEMAND CONSISTENCY AND EFFICIENCY. 

And, as usual, my voice felt awesome by the end of my lesson. 

Practice and Dr. Ballam Coaching 9/8/16

I had to wake up early to start warming up because of my meeting with Dr. Ballam at 8:30am. At around 7:30, I began vocalizing and following along with my usual lessons these days, 2/26/16 and 7/18/16.

I felt fine warming up, but when it came to focusing the breath and resonance, I realized (a little too late) that, because I hadn't eaten, it was difficult to stabilize my breath, and therefore my vibrato.

***

Dr. Ballam started out the session by asking me about myself--how long I had been singing (since sophomore year of high school), my piano/flute experience, why I chose to sing rather than pursue instrumental music, etc.

We worked in "Va! Laisse couler mes larmes" from Werther. We spent most of our time on interpretation, rather than technical things (as expected).

Some of my personal thoughts on my actual voice before proceeding: I managed to get more into my body as we went on; breathing became less of a hindrance once I got the chance to move around and stand for a bit. Things were still a little heavy in terms of vibrato (esp on the F5), but I started to get into the higher resonance towards the end of the coaching. Working on vowels helped.

• The first note you sing is very important! Put all the meaning into it! The pitch should be dead on when you sing it. If you get any note, it should be this one. 
• Why is the chord major after singing "ma cherie?" Massenet (two syllables) used accompaniment to comment on the text after the fact. 
• Charlotte is like a mother to Sophie, according to her mother's wishes (which included marrying Albert). 
• This is more of a soliloquy once you "dismiss" Sophie. 
• Internalize where she is.
• there is no text repetition, except at the very end. Make every word count.
• Read "The Sorrows of Young Werther" to get a better understanding. 
• work on making French [oe], rather than English "uh" 
• Open up vowels that close down (i.e. [u]) while maintaining the integrity of the vowel for projection. 
• Saxophone plays at the beginning, not bassoon.... (interesting. Didn't know that.)

The main things to take away:

• Singing is more than making music; it's telling a story. Don't be afraid to use your body. 
• French [oe] vs. English "uh"
• Don't be afraid to be someone else: You are Charlotte. Not Emily. 
• Feel every word in your body. (example: "Notre ame" "OUR soul")

I'm excited to work with Dr. Ballam again; I felt like I figured out more about how to use gestures AND facial expressions to convey a message. Very inspiring and motivational. 

Practice 9/7/16

Voice is feeling a little... uncooperative today. I had a hard time getting things to focus without feeling tension in the throat/vibrato.

Listen to Lesson 2/26/16

• don't punch for more volume
• "ok" fingers from masterclass
• loose mouth!
• focus vowel; make it "narrower" (not in the throat)
• channel inner Nadine Sierra 

Lesson 7/18/16

• "novocaine jaw" and lips
• fat tongue/side edges
• The vibrato is HIGH. If you can feel it anywhere below the jaw, watch it!
• watch facial recruitment
• sing sustained vowel until you get what you want. "ok" hand for this. 

UPDATE:

As I've gone through the day, the quality of my speaking voice hasn't gotten better. Some gravel-like sensations, as well as some of the strange onset discomfort that I was experiencing earlier has returned. It's not to the point where it's worrisome, but it's obnoxious and uncomfortable. 

I spent some time in my room just doing some simple exercises "nyam" and "yayaya" on 54321, really focusing on onset and how my voice feels, and I think I got it to feel a little better, although I couldn't seem to eliminate the strange "gravel-like" sensation. 

However, I took small breaks between each vocalize, and each time, my voice felt better and better. Now there is no gravel in my speaking voice, and the onset discomfort is gone. I'm thinking I just oversang a little bit today in the wrong place, so my voice suffered a bit until I went and recalibrated. 

Practice 9/6/16

I've been using my little notebook as of late, so I haven't been posting here (that, and my laptop is really heavy, so I don't like to carry it around...)

Listen to lessons 2/26/16, 8/5/16, and 7/18/16

• sternum breath
• breath on bottom, pitch on top
• think of oval! It makes a difference
• this also cues molar space without jamming
• no punting
• **Inner smile/A-O Joint balance
• sneeze space

An observation: I sing better throughout the day if I start in the morning/not sleeping in. 

UPDATE:

Master Class with Jamilyn Manning-White

"Va! Laisse couler mes larmes"

• "Ok" fingers, loose lips/jaw
• higher [o] for "va!"
• "like that"
• loose mouth!
• "I need a minute" -- keep down the emotion while it bubbles up and sometimes overflows, but keep it under control. 
• keep vowel focused--you have a tendency to spread vowel.

Ask questions when singing. "Discovery!"

Practice 9/1/16

Last night (around midnight) my throat began to swell a bit, and I think it's from stress. I've got (what feels like) some lymph node swelling with a runny/congested nose, and it just feels like something you get when you're sleep deprived. Lymph nodes feel a little tender, but otherwise, my tongue doesn't feel particularly tight, and my voice just has a little swelling. My body's also been under some stress since I've been doing a lot more physical activity than I'm used to. AND it's been Shark Week as well. So it's been sort of a triple whammy.

• Lesson 2/26/16
• (I keep coming back to this one because it feels good every time I do the vocalizes. It's good to warm up with these ones in the morning.) 
• Don't tilt chin down; have balanced A-O joint. 
• Novocaine Jaw + gummy molar space. 
• Watch the "frown" as you descend. 
• Loose lips/"space" between lips and teeth
• (~15-20 min.) 
• Side note: I've been sitting for this practice session since my lower back is so tense. 
• Lesson 7/18/16
• (And I like the vocalizes in this one because [if I'm focusing like I should] it helps with alignment pretty well.)
• Watch snarl vs. smile
• If you feel too much fuzz in voice, you're not high enough. (Tongue [ng])
• I took a moment to pause and stretch my neck and lower back, just to loosen things up a little. It wasn't terribly affecting my singing, but I just wasn't comfortable in my body. 
• Don't punch air for anything (especially) above C5.
• (~40 min.)

I think this was a very successful practice session. I had a lot of focus on my breath (which I usually neglect), as well as having internal smile (rather than a frown, esp. as I descend), and loose jaw for molar space. My closed vowels [i/e/u] are doing much better, but now I have to get my open vowels [o/a] into the same place every time. I get it sometimes, but it take a couple trials. 

Practice 8/31/16

Voice felt pretty good this morning; yesterday was a really good singing day for me, so that carried over to today. Woke up pretty early this morning for class, and didn't get much sleep last night (~5 hours). 

• Listen to Lesson 7/18/16
• Things to help loosen my ribcage really helped--stretching from side to side with arms overhead before onset, as well as leaning against the wall (looking at the floor), which helps to release my lower back (which has been really really tight this week). 
• Watch that you don't de-nasalize. 
• Molar space/release
• Focus on what is good and think "like that"
• Focus breath away from the folds; breathe on the bottom, pitch on the top 
• Start light and allow heavy to enter as you descend. Helps to align the voice a little better than just punching it. 
• "Sing-ing-e" 1 3 5-4321. 
• When you get "close, but not quite," think EVEN HIGHER/back. 

I spent about ~55 minutes aligning my voice today (I liked how Cindy said that there is a difference between warming the voice and aligning the voice, so I'm going to start calling my vocalization alignment). It took a little longer, but my voice feels more flexible than it has been for a while. 

Practice 8/27/16 to 8/30/16

These last couple of days have been full of some good singing, so I'm going to quickly document what happened in the days leading up to it. These are taken from my personal notebook that I use to write takeaways

8/27/16

• Listen to lesson 2/26/16
• ***[ng] tongue for beat-y vibrato
• Lesson 8/24/16
• [sh] "shy" + sternum breath
• cupping ear sometimes
• There is still some onset soreness, with some gravel/air leaking in some of the middle range.
• **molar space
• You have permission to move! Experiment!
• "about to sneeze" space
• Use scale exercise before leaps for guidelines and "like that"

8/28/16

• Same as yesterday's practice.
• "novocaine" in mouth for the high. 
• Don't punch the top with air.
• sternum breath for higher range.

8/29/16

• Listen to 8/5/16 Lesson
• Lighter to heavy

8/30/16

• oversang yesterday (haha go figure... first day of school)
• light no forcing sound
• watch no head tilt down
• sternum focus breath
• divert breath pressure away from folds
• Lesson 7/18/16
• Good for "waking up"/alignment
• if you feel the folds scratching/fuzzing together, you're not high enough
• Nasals help "truly"
• ***Focus on what is really good, and just think "like that"
• Breath on the bottom, pitch on the top. 
• "Sing" - [e] 1 - 8- 531.

Practice 8/21/16

I haven't updated in a while, but some interesting things have happened with my voice in the more recent days.

I've been finding release easier than I have been the past few months, which is nice, but I somehow still feel as though it's not quite "up to par" with how I do in my voice lessons.

Anyways, a couple days ago, my friend from New Jersey came home to visit me, and she took me out to dinner for a belated birthday present. Since it was to celebrate my 21st birthday, we ordered a cocktail to share. It was some sort of vodka blend with fruit. The reason I detail this in my practice record is because of the side effects that I have been experiencing as a result of me drinking half the glass of alcohol. I noticed that the right side of my throat?/larynx? felt irritated, and as the night/days wore on, it felt like a really intense globus, except it felt more raw. Normally, I would have been really concerned, but the sensation was a little familiar since I've had these symptoms before with bad acid reflux days.

The next day, I attempted to practice singing, but I may have pushed a little too hard, since the globus became particularly annoying halfway through, so I stopped.

Swallowing was a little painful, with a lump-in-throat sensation that eventually subsided after a day and a half. Now, I'm left with some very obvious swelling in my vocal folds, and it feels pretty sensitive when I speak. I'm taking things pretty easy, but I've done some small tests to see if there was any inconsistencies when I do a vocal glide up and down in pitch, and when I do short, staccato "beeps." There doesn't seem to be anything particularly alarming about my sound production, except that it's a little uncomfortable and raw feeling.

However, my onsets are the most uncomfortable, with the sensitive/raw feeling being the most pronounced at these times. I've limited my speaking for a bit, and I focus on having very precise onsets whenever I use my voice, with no squeezing or excessive air pressure. It's good that I don't have any work this week, so I can give my voice a rest.

Practice 7/15/16

Voice is still pretty swollen. Before I went to bed last night, I could feel the effects of acid reflux already. Woke up with swelling that wasn't as "painful" as yesterday's, but it was still uncomfortable. Yesterday, I could feel that something wasn't quite right, even in just my speaking voice.

Today, I took things really slow again, and my warm up was good, but not as extensive as yesterday's. There was a bit of an "airiness" in my voice, but I didn't try to fix it because I felt more released than I had in a while. The singing felt a little more farther back(?) and up than usual. But it felt better, so I didn't really care.

I went to go to my rep, and again, things got sketchy and tight again, and I got really frustrated. So I walked away for a bit, took a breather, and came back to a different piece. Things were still a little tight, so I just said, "Release, damn it," and the sensation of tightness (that I didn't even know was there in the first place) disappeared, and I was able to sing a lot more freely than I had in a while. There was much less grabbing.

I'm happy that I was actually able to sing through some rep today. However, I'm still a little frustrated that I don't know how I was able to release, and that makes me concerned over whether or not I'll be able to reproduce that. I'll be sure to return to practice several times in shorter intervals today to see how it goes.

Practice 7/14/16

Today I woke up with so much vocal swelling that I didn't even have to speak to feel how swollen my voice was. I think it's a combination of acid reflux and allergies.

Anyways, I started out following with Lesson 2/26/16, then 2/19/16, then 2/27/16. I really took my time and I didn't push myself, esp. because of the swelling. As a result, I felt better singing than I have in a very long time.

HOWEVER. When I went to go and sing through some rep and I went right back to the bad singing that I've been trying to get out for the last month. I tried really hard to apply what I had learned in my earlier warmup, but it just wasn't working out.

I'm pretty frustrated with how things are going with practice lately. I guess if I were to say something good about this practice session was that I at least found release during the warmup phase this time. Usually, I can't even get past the vocalization part of my practice because singing feels so effortful. Ever since I got back from Korea, my voice just hasn't been the same, and it's been a month. It's frankly very discouraging and stressful.

Practice 7/12/16

Last night and this morning I was plagued by some really bad allergies; plugged/runny nose, sneezing, the works.

This morning was I really determined to take things easy, since I've been noticing that I can rush through the early stages of vocalization, particularly starting out in a place of ease. I fell into the routine of what I normally do when I'm at school, and who would have thought that my singing would get better [insert heavy sarcasm here].

I spent about 10 minutes just doing lip trills and getting used to my voice in its lower range. Then some nasal to non-nasal exercises (still low in range). I still felt something tightening up in my voice, so I did some panting exercises and really focused on what I liked and making sure to think "like that!" every time.

I worked really hard on not directing anything to "stay." (i.e. stay open, keep chin back, etc.) I thought more about "like that" and keeping things free by comparing the desired behavior to what I was actually doing and trying to get closer every time.

Practice 7/11/16

For this last week and a half, things have gotten better since before my lesson with Cindy on 7/2/16. However, I still feel like things are a little "punchy", and my resonance feels squeezed and effortful. It doesn't result in "tired voice" like before; however, I don't feel very free when I sing this way. 

I have been experimenting with "just thinking" and hoping that it comes out, but for some reason I can't get myself to stop grabbing. It's a little frustrating. I don't really know what else to type, other than the fact that the day after my lesson with Cindy felt the best, and things kind of went downhill from there. 

Practice 6/30/16

I spent quite a bit of time last night re-reading through Oren Brown's Discover Your Voice, and focused particularly on the areas that referenced primal sound, release before vocalizing, and breathing.

I did the exercises for release and breathing, and spent about 20 minutes just finding release in my body. I spent another 10 minutes lightly warming up and focusing on released onsets. I slowly transitioned into my music, attempting to replicate the results I was getting in my first couple minutes. For the first 15 minutes of practice, things were going pretty well, and I was really taking things slowly. My voice wasn't getting tired or fatigued, especially since I was focusing really hard on eliciting pitch and taking time to really think before I sang a note.

Even so, after those 15 minutes, my voice again started to get that weird "tired" sound to it, as if I've been speaking for too long. Slightly fuzzy, and I can't quite access my low as well again. Pretty frustrating to end up in the same place, even though I started out so well. I'm pretty excited for my lesson this weekend so I can discuss with Cindy what isn't going so well. Because I've been trying a lot of things and experimenting, but I can't seem to quite pinpoint what isn't working.

Even though my voice ended up in a place that I would have preferred not to be in, it was much easier accessing my higher register today than yesterday and the day before. So that gives me some hope that perhaps I'm getting closer to figuring things out.

Practice 6/29/16

Followed along with 4/22/16 Lesson.

There's still some edginess in my voice, but since I've released my jaw a little more and am focusing on balancing the whole body (no localized effort), it's gotten a bit better.

• consistent/generous airflow, but no punting. 
• Think of the mouth as not in any specific shape; it's just there. 
• I have a tendency to "overcharge" with my air; so try singing at a random point in the breath gesture. Or blow a puff out before singing. 
• THINK before you sing. 

My warm up felt better today, but when I went to go and sing, my old habits started punching me figuratively in the throat. Everything still feels really effortful and "punchy" and edgy. The sound seems strident to me, and it's really obnoxious. Towards the end of my practice, I thought to sing with just the "edges of my folds" to maybe release some excess squeezing (from being to forceful with bringing my folds together). However, by the time I thought of this, it was time to give the poor voice a rest. I'm trying to experiment with different approaches, but I still get fatigued. I feel like I've taken several steps back in terms of my progress..... 

Practice 6/28/16

My sleep schedule is completely thrown since coming back to Korea, and I can't seem to get onto a regular schedule. So I pulled an all-nighter last night and didn't sleep~ Woohoo

I was watching my cat (as you do when you're a cat owner), and when he yawned, I realized I haven't been releasing my jaw very well in my practice. (Weird place to get a revelation, but I'll take it.) So I experimented with that, careful not to jam my jaw down but to allow more space between the back molars. This helped a lot, and even though my voice still got a little fatigued (it's driving me a little bonkers), it was better than it's been the last couple days.

I also focused on singing on the motion of the inhale, and keeping this in mind helps me to prevent "punting" my air whenever there's a small/large jump in pitch.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I forgot to "focus on the good," so I'll try and implement that into later practice.

I'm realizing that, in my attempt to find the "model" behavior, I get scared of making mistakes because I'm so paranoid of practicing the wrong thing. I need to figure out the difference between being impatient and being open to experimentation.

Because these last couple days have been a bit less than ideal in terms of practice, I'm observing a lot of fear in myself as I approach practice. I'm scared of practicing incorrectly (mostly because I get immediate negative results--a tired voice), rather than getting excited to try new things. I need to take some time before practicing to get into the correct mindset, which is honestly the hardest part of practice, and I guess I just needed to remind myself of that.

Practice 6/26/16

Had some pretty bad acid reflux this morning, so swelling is definitely a thing.
Also, I got a bit of a reminder this morning to "focus on the good" when I read this week's article from Noa Kageyama in his weekly email for the Bulletproof Musician. So I'm going to experiment with that some more in my practice today.

• focus on the good
• start vocalizes with your mouth closed--I'm noticing that I'm presetting some weird things in my tongue when I start singing. 
• Also, divert breath pressure away from the glottis
• space in molars + open throat (including the upper pharynx)
• "many" 132435465768798-319786756453421. 
• watch that you don't add an extra "puff" of air when you skip up the third. Think of the folds stretching instead. 
• The tongue doesn't make any huge shifts; it stays fat
• [zi ze za] 12345432-12345432-12345678987654321
• Lighten in the passaggio, and during [a], think a little [o] as you ascend through passaggio. 

I spent about 50 minutes on warm up. I still ended up getting that weird "tired voice" feeling, but it doesn't feel as uncomfortable as yesterday since I was careful not to push myself. Still, my sound seems shallow/airy, and when it gets to that point, that's when this tired thing comes in. Then I can't access my chest voice very well. And it's frustrating because I don't feel like I'm overexerting my voice, but something isn't coming together well, so I can't access chest voice after a bit of singing. 

Practice 6/25/16

Today I decided to focus more on my precise onset/onset from above, since my problems are probably stemming from something in that area.

• [ng] [n] + vowel exercises 
• light approach to all notes (not to be confused with additional squeezing in the throat to make softer volume)
• panting exercises
• Alternating arpeggio and scale vocalizes. 

I feel like towards the beginning of my vocalizes, things were starting to sort themselves out. However, by the end of my practice, my voice got back into that "easily tired" thing that it does, so I had to stop after about 20 minutes of singing (after ~30 min. warm up). But it was better than yesterday. I think I need to take things in smaller chunks and come back to them more often. 

Practice 6/24/16

11/13/16 Lesson Blog Referenced

• Fat tongue/horizontal
• breath equality
• soft molars

I get the feeling of "shallowness" in my sound, and everything feels slightly edgy. However, I'm trying to figure the balance between allowing space and forcing space. I can feel my voice coming from my throat, and my approach from above isn't as good. 

1/28/16 Lesson Recording

• Panting exercises!
• Think "light!" 
• Allow yourself to soften/lighten as you move from note to note, rather than "full voice." 

I looked through some of my old notes in my practice journal, and found = = vs. = /  , which was to remind me that, as you ascend, you shouldn't be moving the space up (aka larynx rising), but you should think of it as a long tube in which your sound is filling. The idea of an "anchor" comes to mind, but not pushing down the tongue. That seemed to help a little. 

I know I'm not doing something right since my voice is getting tired much faster than expected. For anything above a D5, I feel like there's a lot of sound delay, but it's not due to swelling, as far as I can tell. I probably just need to be more patient for my onsets, but there's something else that I seem to be forgetting, and it feels like it's probably going to be something really basic.....