Practice 4/26/17

There's been some weird gravel in my voice lately, and it's making me a little concerned; there is no restriction on my range or anything like that, but this weird gravelly sound will come into my voice (esp. in my middle range) that I have a very hard time getting rid of. It sometimes causes weird glottal scraping as well. A part of me thinks that it's because I get lazy as I descend sometimes, and things don't stay as high as they should (i.e. soft palate and base of tongue), but I'm not quite sure.

• Start really quietly. searching for clarity, not volume. 
• This really helps to monitor breath flow as well. 
• The gravel is more obvious on brighter vowels. 
• Note: The gravel is different from "airiness" that I sometimes get. 
• Bite the apple: energy on top row of teeth
• Earplugs in
• Nadine Sierra: watch how she opens her mouth; it's so loose and free. Molar space. 
• it feels like a bit of a stretch in the jaw, but it feels good in the voice; just need to become accustomed, perhaps?
• swings back; hepls to think of pacman.... Even if you don't open up like that in actuality.
• tip of tongue is released

Still struggling a bit to release into the voice without excess squeezing or airiness. Trying to find the balance is a bit hard.... 

Practice 3/29/17

Lesson 2/19/16 Warm-up

• root of the tongue wants to default to a heavy, weighty feeling. 

Lesson 3/28/17

• lip trills with toaster shoulders
• "may oh my I" 8531
• about to yawn
• legato does not mean slur
• "I'm bathing" 1-8531
• m/b line up
• loose chew, mouth/lips
• maintain height as you descend
• "gai lai" 5432123454321
• preceed with two "g" touches. 
• "ai ai ai ai ai" 1358531358531

• happy, quiet "ah"
• don't make depth. Even give it permission to be shallow if it wants. Don't make anything happen. 
• noticing a "sand-papery" sensation/sound.... 
• 
  

Practice 4/21/17

I felt really good yesterday vocally, and I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had started warming up as soon as I woke up. That's a common trend on the days that I feel best about my voice, but it's just hard to be able to do that when waking up early is such a struggle. 

I've been having this weird default to gravel/scrape in the voice, and in my most recent lesson, we discussed having proper vocal occlusion, which is something I hadn't really focused on before, because I was worried about squeezing shut.

Lesson 2/26/17

• Use the nasal consonants to flip into vowels. It should be in the same place or above, now below. 
• The breath flow shouldn't increase in pressure when you open up. It should be the same, focused. 
• The breath should never be obstructed by the articulators.  
• Pay extra attention as you descend; don't get lazy and let the gravel in. 
• When you're feeling low/gravelly, it's better to err on the side of "nasality." Esp. for mezzos. 
• When you want to scrunch up the nose to get this nasality, think of doing it on the inside instead. Nothing on the outside should be influencing the inside.
• Opposition in the breath gesture and the sound. 
• Imagine the bottom of the breath gesture to be drawing the jaw down, and the top of the breath gesture is where the pitch comes out through a tiny hole. 
• You sing with a point over a big space; you don't fill the space. 
• corners of the lips "yearn" for each other

Lesson 2/27/17

• imagine the pitch starting in the unicorn horn tip. 
• watch that onsets are clear/no extra effort/breathy. 
• think "nasal" as you decrescendo/descend in pitch
• Experiment with placement of said unicorn horn tip if things are still too gravelly
• really released nasopharynx
• you'll have space in the back of the throat, but you're not going to fill that space with sound. 
• Take your time smelling the roses.
• The quiet, high exercises will never work if your jaw is stuck closed. 
• Make some honky nose sounds to become more comfortable with being that forward

Lesson 4/18/17

• horse, falling down through 5-1. Dropping arms.
• "blap blap blap" 8531 
• No pooping out the air; similar feeling/sensation of vibration as the horse. Very masky. 
• "nyam nyam"5432123454321
• eyes should not be closing as you do this
• add fish breath
• Think of Lynn Helding breath/mouth shape. 

Practice 3/27/17

I caught myself clenching my teeth a lot this weekend, and I've got quite a bit of lingering "soreness" in the root of my tongue because of it. Spend the first couple minutes of my practice just stretching and trying to find release in the neck. I've also been noticing how my jaw tends to default to jutting forward at times, so I've been trying to be more aware of that.

Lesson 2/29/16 ~13 min.

• Jaw is down and back
• watch onsets
• don't push the sound out; just let it fall out
• watch even airflow
• "depth is breath gesture [not shape]"
• uniformity throughout the range; if you feel something shift in the pharynx, it's probably not right. Use the breath to set up the tube; the tube stays the same even as you add pitch
• Onsets. Really work on those. They've been a little uncoordinated lately. Use sob with panting. 
• watch tip of the tongue
• don't try and "fix" things. Notice the good things and reiterate them. 
• lighten as you ascend. 
• posture
• really supple mouth/cheeks

Lesson 7/18/16 ~9/10 min. 

• "a-a-a-a-achoo" on sob before starting vocalize
• allow the mouth to open if it needs to. Pay attention to what it wants. 

Did some additional arpeggio work; 

• as you ascend, don't come off the voice. Just think of your tube. 
• vowel is in the thought. 
• fast [zi ze zaa----] 12345432-12345432-12345678987654321
• wobble exercises

While singing:

• Watch that you don't spread when "biting the apple." 
• molars are up and easy--when you inhale for about to sneeze, imagine the cool air brushing past them. 
• Watch the tube
• WATCH ONSETS. Sob! 

Practice 3/22/17 and Lesson 3/21/17

Voice actually feels pretty decent this morning. Must be the rain.

Warm up: ~10 minutes

• "nyam" 54321 
• completely released lips, space between back molars
• happy quiet ah, but don't try and /make/ your soft palate raise. Just let it be. 
• feel cool air on hard palate just behind front top teeth
• feel release in nostrils
• "ya" 54321 
• stay in lower range of your voice to get accustomed to complete release
• light/easy for higher pitches
• "yes sir" 8531
• precise/buoyant pitches. Watch that you don't slur. Legato is much simpler than "singing through"

Lesson 3/21/17

• "v" 1~8~1 
• siren-like
• use the pressure created from the semi-occlusion to relieve subglottic pressure
• wide in back
• "th---they" 87654321-35-87654321
• "yes sir" 8531
• "kitty kitty cat" 54321
• stay light on the higher pitches, and allow speech-like quality on bottom pitch (not from added breath pressure)
• [be de be de] 8531
• completely released back molars
• you can do happy inhale, but remember to stay released everywhere. Millimeters make a big difference!
• "nyam" 123454321`
• use the [n] to find the highness of the tone
• [fi fe fi fe fi] 564534231
• don't poop out breath
• big nostrils
• "my oh my" 8531
• child-like
• buoyant, no slur

Practice 3/20/17

Hey! Less allergies today. Voice still felt really weird over the weekend; like something was swollen. I also feel like my default to singing these days is really "leaky" with the air, so I need to work on that. Referred to my practice blog for 3/17/17.

Lesson 2/26/16

• Do some stretching of the ribcage
• bite the apple + happy breath
• molars triangle
• watch breathiness--don't try and /make/ it go away, but expect it to. 
• soft palate stays up as you descend
• energetic release of the tone
• cheeks are really released--the space on the inside is super soft just behind the cheek flesh. 
• keep thoughts happy though
• constant space between molars
• top lip is released
• be "singing" the pitch before you're even finished inhaling
• soft palate stays up even as you descend
• vowel is a thought
• watch posture
• release tip of the tongue
• REALLY bite the apple
• don't think of forcing the folds to adduct. They'll do that on their own. 

Lesson 2/28/17

• fat tongue
• release temporal
• don't make depth; depth is breath gesture
• think of the pointiness that you want in your tone. 
• feels like it's going out of a hole in the middle of the hard palate
• think "like that" whenever you have to reascend
• take your time!
• tip of tongue is really friendly with bottom row of teeth
• if the first pitch doesn't start outside of you, you're not going to end up in a good place. 
• raised molars
• onsets! Watch them. If they feel like the folds are coming together, that's not right. 
• think opposites for vowels

Spent about 40 minutes aligning the voice, but things above G5 are just not wanting to cooperate today. They get really weird and fuzzy whenever I tried to work with them, but I stopped because I didn't want to overdo it. 

Practice 3/17/17

Allergies are still pretty bad, but I've been taking some essential oils for it, and it works surprisingly well.

Referenced the practice blog for March 3, 2017.
Lesson 2/26/16 warm up

• stretch the ribcage
• bite the apple + happy breath
• don't overfill with breath
• back molars lift into skull, and there's that triangle, with the teeth being the bottom two points. the top point into the middle of the skull. You don't /make/ the "point" in the tone, but it somehow appears there in the middle of the hard palate. 
• don't be a leaky faucet
• if you can feel yourself open up in the throat when you breathe, you're closing in the first place. 
• gesture of the inhale
• millimeters can make a world of a difference!
• Yesterday, during my preview, whenever Cindy cued me to have a more open mouth, it wasn't necessarily exaggerated. It was just more released. Don't overdo it. 
• vowel is in the thought
• watch subglottal pressure.... 
• tip of the tongue is friendly with bottom row of teeth
• breathing in through the nose helps me to feel the breath right behind the top front teeth; have that same feeling when you're inhaling through the mouth. 

Lesson 2/28/17

• sometimes, there's just too much pressing between the folds. Imagine that they're barely touching. 
• imagine the point-y-ness in the pitch. Don't try and make it. Just let it happen. Look for it. 
• release temporal
• fat tongue
• release the A-O joint! if jaw feels really tense+root of tongue. 
• keep soft palate up as you descending
• release jaw for [e/i]!
• Posture makes a big difference (who knew.... *sarcasm*)
• horizontal length in the front chest, equal with the back
• prompt the soft palate, but don't try and force it up higher than you think you "need."
• prompt open mouth (like Cindy). Don't jam it down. As if you're in mid-performance. 
• prompt the pointiness in the tone, but don't make it. especially as you ascend. 

Pharynx felt very nice and released by the end, but there was some tension in the root of my tongue that I had a hard time eliminating. I put some earplugs in as I worked on my music, and I kept all of the things that I worked on in my vocalization in mind, focusing particularly on making sure that things felt released, not focusing necessarily on the sound. I just assume the resonance is there when I feel it? It's difficult to explain. 

Lesson Summary 3/14/17 and Practice 3/15/17

Yup, allergies are in full swing right now. Scratchy throat, runny nose, congestion, the works. Kind of feels like my folds are a little sandpaper-y right now.

Lesson 3/14/17

• Breathe for the instrument that you want. Breathe the space that you want. 
• breathe through your ears?
• about to sneeze
• Complete release in the jaw/cheeks/space between molars
• always reopen back to the space you need when you have to close for certain consonants. 
• it's a miniscule change, but it makes a huge difference!
• [i] is farther back
• you don't need your jaw to make [i]! 
• tip of the tongue is anchored to the bottom teeth
• hands on face/chin to monitor jaw movement
• energetic release of the pitch

Practice 3/13/17

Got back to Logan from my London trip at 3:30 this morning! Woohoo! (I think I'm more tired leaving Spring Break than getting into it...)

Lesson 2/26/16 Warm-Up

• Lynn Helding breath
• happy, quiet, "ah" OR about to sneeze
• A-O joint release
• "corset" breath; don't overfill.
• Don't try and make a sound; just let it happen
• horiz. and vert. release!
• tip of tongue release
• bite the apple + magnet lips
• Don't "make" the soft palate go up; cue it instead with the breath
• breath makes the instrument. 
• think of the little ball of space just front top teeth
• back of tongue against top molars
• release in back molars
• stay high even as you descend
• sing on the gesture of the inhale! 
• start the sound "before" you're finished inhaling. 

Lesson 2/27/17 (L.H.)

• don't try and /make/ depth. 
• lips are really REALLY loose and don't cover the sound. 

Lynn Helding Lesson 2/27/17 and Practice 3/3/17

My tongue's default today was pretty released. So I started warm-ups by focusing on breathing and getting the soft palate up.

breathing with the dress on

Lesson 2/26/16 Warm-up ~12 min.

• Stretch up and slowly lower arms while maintaining ribcage suspension 
• lip magnet
• don't overfill with breath
• chomp the apple/rectangle mouth (but watch that your tongue stays horizontally released) 
• "happy" breath
• fingers in dimples to remind molar space and singing in mask
• don't use up your vocal capital unnecessarily 
• tip of tongue

Lesson 2/27/17 Lynn Helding

• 8:00
• equal opening/released in soft palate and in the throat
• "ah ah ah" 5-5-5-5-54321
• approach from above
• about to sneeze in between
• keep soft palate lifted as you descend
• **Vowel comes from the inside. Think the vowel on the inside and it will come out. Don't make the vowel
• **Don't force the vocalize to work. Just let it do its thing. If it's not perfect, it's fine. 
• [fla fle] 5-534-423-312-271. 
• watch the temporal muscle. You want to flex it.
• "Mignon" by Wolf
• "Gold" more open 
• [ka ga ka ga ga] On single pitch 
• prep with about to sneeze
• "kennst" 
• tip of tongue REALLY needs to be against bottom row of teeth
• It's never just one thing; jaw and tongue and abdominal release and etc. etc. etc. 
• soft palate: 
• [a] [e] [a] 5-5-5-5-54321
• "Una voce poco fa" 
• It's never an "all or nothing thing." We can make adjustments. 
• happy, quiet/sneezy
• practice your strategy an octave down.
• best vowel around G# is [a] 
• Millimeters (in the soft palate and tongue) make a huge difference!
• Trust that the sound will be focused and full; don't force it with the tongue or breath. 

************

Update:

I was in a really good place by the end of my practice, and it felt like my soft palate was miles up into my skull (in a good way), and everything just felt really easy. Since everything felt really released, later that night, I decided to try my hand in CCM again (in stark isolation, of course), and I decided to look up different singers and take a look at their belting techniques. (i.e. Charice) 

I also remembered Rebecca saying something about how Lynn Helding said that CCM requires a slightly lowered back tongue position, so I experimented with that, all the while maintaining the nice soft palate lift that I had managed to get before. I found a sound that I really liked and felt pretty healthy. It definitely felt like speech or shouting, depending on where in my range it was, but it wasn't exhausting on the voice at all. 

Some comparisons to classical singing:

• CCM definitely has a bit of a lower tongue. The back of the tongue isn't touching the top back molars, unlike classical singing. 
• There is more subglottal breath pressure (more noticeable in upper range), but I really didn't notice until I tried to return to classical technique. 
• In order to access the different harmonics in CCM, I feel like I had to open my mouth a lot wider than I would in classical singing for "higher" pitches. (This is something that I observed in the videos that I watched with healthy belters.) 
• Again, just a small difference in the height of the soft palate makes a huge acoustic difference for both styles. 
• Now, this is going to sound weird: In classical singing, it feels like there's a small ball of space that sits just below the "hump" of the hard palate and just behind the front top teeth. In CCM, it felt like the ball of space was just below the top back molars. This probably has something to do with the lowered tongue position as well. Also, when I was belting, it felt like I was singing out of my top back molars, but the sound was coming out the front of my face because of the resonance. 

Boston Conservatory and NEC + Practice 2/20-2/22/17

Boston Conservatory: I would give myself a 6.5 or 7/10 for this audition because I felt I didn't perform at my best. I was still recovering from being sick, and I think I tried to overcompensate for my swollen folds. The panel didn't seem too impressed either (I mean, I wouldn't have been very happy with my performance, and I'm being optimistic.) That being said, it wasn't a trainwreck; I just could have performed much better than I did. 

NEC: I really liked how my first piece went; I started with "Va! laisse couler mes larmes," and I felt like I was in a good place. My second piece, however, "Se l'augellin" was a bit lack luster because I caught myself mid-piece paying more attention to the fast moving passages than emoting. (Whoops) With that in mind, I'd give myself a 7 or 7.5/10. Leading up to my audition, I was struggling a bit to find release because it felt like my tongue was getting heavy (again) and I felt like I was working too hard to bring my folds together. Also, my acid reflux was really really bad, so I was pretty swollen. However, the room I sang in had some nice feedback, so I released a little more into it once I got there. 

• Lessons 2/26 and 2/27/16
• maintain feeling of breath suspension as you sing (gesture of the inhale; inhale to singing has no difference). Don't do weird things with the inside of your mouth to accomplish this
• PAY ATTENTION TO THE A-O JOINT. Are you pushing your chin to your chest? Watch out. 
• imagine a stick between your two back molars; that area will not collapse inward. Think of a triangle with a point upward from there. 
• Everything is super wide and open, but the sound is a single point that doesn't necessarily fill that space. 
• release the breath while in suspension. If that makes sense. Suspend, but don't hold. 
• a-o joint and back molars are soft
• don't think of actively "opening" a lid on top when singing high; just give the sound permission to appear there. 
• start with simple sound. 

Practice 2/7 and 2/8/17

Last night: I spent another ~2.5 hours in the practice room. I went in with the intention of only doing 30 minutes, but next thing I knew it was past midnight by the time I left. Anyways, I spent a lot of time working on what we did in my lesson that day, trying to find release while working on the feeling of suspension. I got pretty frustrated about halfway through because I felt like I couldn't release into a fuller sound without my vibrato getting very beaty, but I tried really hard not to push with the breath and get impatient. I took a small break, and after listening to a recording from the MET with Kristine Opolais (whom I normally am not a huge fan of), something sympathetically released and I was able to sing almost as freely as I had when I had auditioned for USC. It just took me 1.5 hours to get there.... What's also frustrating is that I feel like whenever I find this released singing, I don't know how or why it happened, so it feels like a lot of luck is involved, and that drives me crazy because I feel like I can't replicate it. But I guess the only thing I can do is try to recreate the circumstances in which that happened.

****

Started out the day with sticky mucus.

• Lesson 2/7/17
• don't overfill with the breath; if anything, it helps if you feel only half full. 
• "jaw recedes"
• listen to MET instagram Rusalka with Kristine Opalais; something about how open her sound is (even if it's a little breathy) helped me to open up
• watch tongue tip
• "nyam" get really chewy with it once you've figured things out
• really really fat tongue!
• "um yawning is a welcome change" 
• "many" with yawn. (I actually loathe this exercise with a fiery passion.) 
• "sob"
• watch that the pharynx above the mouth doesn't close up
• Be very very patient with the breath
• consistent breath flow
• After about an hour of warm up, I feel released; I just feel like my breath isn't as efficient (flow phonation) as it could be. Otherwise, I feel much more released than I did a couple days ago. 
• leaning upper back against the wall helps

By the end of my practice session (~1 hr. 15 min) I felt like I had found release, but there was inefficient airflow, so it felt like I could only sing two measures at a time. I started experimenting with the suspension feelings before I had to leave. 

Practice 2/6/17

Root of tongue was horrendously tight this morning. Last night, I tried doing more quiet exercises to avoid my tendency to want to push with the air, as well as to help find the edge of the folds in my onsets. However, I think that led to some unnecessary tensions that I only caught towards the end of my practice when my tongue felt tired. 

Use Lessons 2/26/16, 10/10/16, and 2/5/16

• Spent about an hour trying to find release in the tongue when I finally just gave up. The most pervasive issue I am experiencing on a regular basis is the sensation that there's a ceiling on my pitch; it feels like it's a struggle to get anywhere above C5. I was hoping that by spending most of my time in the lower part of my range, where I'm least likely to tighten, I could use that as a model behavior, but I continued to struggle. 
• Then experienced some weird glottal scrape/vocal flutters? that are really obnoxious and sometimes disconcerting. 
• Trying to find release in the body, not just the area surrounding the larynx. 
• Did a lot of "achoo" things, because it feels like my nasal resonance is inaccessible. (probably contributing to the "ceiling" sensation)
• When plugging ears: any sensation/sound of edginess on the inside = tension on the outside. Don't try and make it higher than it needs to be. That can lead to tongue tension.
• Pay attention to the shape of the space and "softness" of the space inside; don't think of trying to make parts move or not move. 

Gave up and started singing "Cruda sorte" and things kind of just fell into place. Don't know what happened. I had my ears plugged. Things felt better than it sounded, but that was a start. There wasn't as much focus to the sound as I would have liked. 

Practice 2/3/17

Singing for the opera this last week has been an interesting experience. I've been struggling with finding flow phonation in my singing, but once I get into the Morgan, things tend to slowly fall into place the longer I'm singing. It feels like I'm singing with more energy, and normally, I would be worried that I'm singing with too much "effort," but by the end of the night, I feel vocally fine, like I could continue singing for a while even after the show is over. 

I'm working finding the balance between not hyper-adducting the vocal folds and getting too "fuzzy" or "leaky" with the breath flow. 

• Even if you don't know how/why something happened, just try and keep a clear snapshot of what that sensation is like. Have knowledge of result and trust it. Find it by asking for it. 
• anchor the larynx down with the shoulders
• "shopping" and thinking of the tone following the direction of the airflow for "sh" and floating on top of it. 
• Start sitting so it's easier to find a lower breath gesture. 
• Lesson 2/19/16: plug ears. 
• Pay attention the flow of air as you plug your ears
• "yes" or [j] to help with root of tongue
• "oh my baby" instead of "I ate pancakes"
• [a] mouth and [e] tongue. 
• Lesson 7/18/16
• use [gei dei gei dei] with the [g] and [d] consonants to train the breath gesture and find more focus in the fuzzy sound. 
• [fi fe] is another way to do this, along with "shopping" 
• really think about the "arch" when you descend. You're not just going straight down. 
• At this point, after doing about 35-40 minutes of vocal warm-up/alignment, I feel like things below C5 feel really good, but it's done in a way that isn't optimal for anything above C5, like there's a ceiling to the pitch and I can't get any higher. 
• Think of "elevator 2"
• Thumbs in back molars
• Whoa!! You really need to stretch this, Em. You close down a lot. 
• Also; my lips feel like they're being stretched too? Not the skin, but the muscle in the lips? It's so weird. 
• [nim nem nam nom num] 
• Remember, completely release the mouth; just the tongue should be in the closed vowel position
• internal smile; watch out for the frown in the corners of the mouth
• This helped a little bit, and keeping my ears plugged helped with some of it. Struggling with the open vowels quite a bit; they tend to want to fall way back. 
• Think "opposite": the [a o u] are forward...
• All vowels are on the top surface of the tongue, not the body of the tongue. If that makes sense. It's top layer of the blade of the tongue. Just the surface of it. 
• Watch that you sternum doesn't move all over the place. I don't feel very stable in my own body right now. 

Overall, just a little frustrated that it's been taking me this long to find alignment in my voice, but I feel like I have more direction as to how to eventually get there on my own. Gotta watch out that I don't wear out my voice trying to find release, though. 

Practice 1/17/17

Lessons 2/26/16, 1/14/15, 11/20/14

• more focused resonance does not mean pushing in the breath pressure. 
• unimportant mouth
• breath is riding the top of the teardrop
• palatoglossus muscle in tongue is attached to soft palate; stiffness in tongue = stiffness/droopy soft palate. 
• find pocket of space directly above the top back molars. 
• cat hairball
• lighten as you ascend
• [a] in throat/jaw

Practice 1/18/17

Lesson 11/20/14

Not much to say here, but I'm going to put down this problem in the event that Cindy comes across it.

Throat feels really open and released, but now it feels like my tongue is falling into my throat and everything is getting swallowed, especially my open vowels. This is something that has kept coming back to bite me in the butt, and I don't know how to fix it.

Been trying [ng] or [g/k] exercises because it feels like the heel of the tongue is falling back.
Lion breath/panting, and hairball
Lean forward and let gravity bring the tongue out of the throat

Practice 1/16/17 and OSU Audition

Okay. This is going to be a long post. Here's a recap of these last couple of days: I've been struggling really hard this last month with some crazy root-of-the-tongue tension and a lazy soft palate. It feels like there's lack of coordination between my folds coming together and my breathing mechanism, and as a result, it feels like I can only sing 1.5 measures before feeling completely winded. It almost feels as though I'm hyperventilating because I can't seem to get enough air.

There's also been this feeling of "stuffiness" in my nasal resonance, as if I'm singing with a stuffy nose, and as a result, it feels like my resonance is muffled. I've spent the last couple of days also stretching out the root of my tongue by sticking out my tongue as far as I can and lifting my chin and moving my head from side to side to stretch it out. It's extremely tight, and as a result, this stretch is slightly uncomfortable.

****

When I went to OSU, I was still struggling with these issues, and after my performance in VRH on Tuesday, I felt like I was going to bomb my audition. I left Utah at midnight and arrived in OSU at 8:15 a.m., getting a total of 2-3 hours of sleep before my audition. In my warm-ups preceding my audition, my voice very extremely edgy, like rubbing sandpaper together, but after some panic-practice, my voice sort of fell into place and I was able to fake through my audition from a vocal perspective. I think my performance (besides the vocal technique) was good, and I didn't have that panicky breath problem during "Must the winter come so soon." I started with the Rachmaninoff, followed by "Que fais-tu," then the Vanessa. I would give myself a 6.5 or 7/10 for that audition, with 10 being the best-case scenario with me performing at my highest potential.

By the end of the day, my voice was shot, and I'm not sure if it was because of sleep-deprivation, bad technique, or both. Regardless, I ended up sleeping for more than twelve hours that night because of my lack of sleep the nights before.

****

When I got home, I took a day to rest my voice and my body because I was so exhausted. My voice was pretty fatigued the day after my audition, so I decided to take things easy. Even so, when I resumed my practice the day after that, I still was plagued with intense tongue tension that felt like my tongue was cramping in the back.

*****

Today, I finally gave in and had the idea to pull out my earplugs and spend my entire practice, from start to finish, with my ears plugged. I spent 2 hours slowly aligning my voice by following old lessons (1/28/15, 1/14/15, 2/26/16, and 11/4/15), focusing on releasing tensions, not trying to make a certain sound. I managed to find a significant amount of release compared to these previous weeks, but my resonance is still a little off, I think. However, I think I'm discovering a slightly different resonance? that sounds more muffled when I take my earplugs out, but it feels a little easier to ascend and move throughout my range.

I think I'm going to spend these next couple of days finding release before focusing in on my resonance. I need to quit trying to jump the gun and take my time.

Practice 1/11/17

Running off of 4.5 hours of sleep. As usual. Also, since last night, I've felt a bit of chest congestion/urge to cough with some phlegm coming up. However, I can immediately feel that my soft palate is lighter than the beginning of yesterday.

• Lesson 12/2/16 (because this was also a sleep-deprived lesson)
• Back panting + release in area right next to upper molars. 
• It feels like a soft ball that rests just behind the arch of the tongue. If that makes sense
• also, don't think too far back. Look inside and see what your throat looks like. Don't try and make it deeper than it is. Just let it be. 
• Sneezing sensation. 
• Everything external is soft, with internal smile!
• LOOK and be aware of the space that you want, but don't make it. 
• you'll feel it in the way the cool air touches the top outer edges of the mouth when you inhale. AGAIN, DO NOT make the space. Just look for it!
• Seem to want to default to swallowing [a], and default to closing jaw for [i]. 
• "raj-aj-aj-king"
• perhaps think [ae] instead of [a]
• experiment with diphthongs. 
• Watch breath; the whole body is resonating, so the whole body needs to be released. 
• top-down release. If the soft palate is up and released, the tongue and jaw are much easier to follow suit. 
• The jaw (tip) is DEAD when you ascending. THINK. 
• ~37 minutes. 

Practice 1/10/17

UPDATE 2: OKAY. So, I got desperate, and I decided to do some late night practicing because I knew that there had to be something that I could do to get out of this funk. After VRH, I will admit that I went into panic mode because my performance was far from what I needed it to be.

I started practicing again, and to be honest, this time whenever I sang, it felt like I just couldn't get enough air since it was all just leaking out of my body ("snowplowing") and I couldn't seem to stop. I wondered if it was because I had lost some weight recently and I couldn't get into my body, but a part of me didn't quite believe that. I spent a good amount of time listening to my favorite artists, but it just didn't seem to be translating well into my own body. That's when I got the idea to listen to my audition recordings, where I felt I had a pretty good sense of what I wanted. I thought about breath and how I sing when I'm sick. I thought that I usually sing better when I'm sick because perhaps I focused more on breath and diverting the pressure away from the folds, but that only made me tight in my chest no matter how much time I spent on it.

After listening to my recording of "Must the winter come so soon," I noticed on some of my high notes that there was a feeling of spaciousness? in the back that I had been missing, and hearing my own voice sing it made it really easy to translate into my body, and my body remembered almost immediately what it felt like to have a high soft palate. It felt like the area by my upper molars just lifted and the soft palate all of a sudden became weightless. Just that one element changed EVERYTHING. All of a sudden, my breath was easy to manage, my jaw followed suit, and singing became so easy that I almost started crying. It's amazing how big of a difference the soft palate can make in your singing. At first, things were a little shaky and it was difficult for me to sustain that high soft palate position, but the more I eased into it by singing pieces like "Meine Liebe" or "L'attente," the more I was able to remember how it felt and soon I had no trouble singing with a high soft palate 95% of the time. WOOHOO. Hopefully my body will remember this tomorrow morning when I go to practice.

TL;DR SOFT PALATE IS EVERYTHING.

*******

UPDATE: Sang for VRH. It was horrendous. I couldn't seem to get out of my throat, and my soft palate felt like it was blocking my nasal cavity, and as a result, there were a lot of pitch problems, and my vibrato felt like it was just falling into my stomach. It was not good at all. However, when I went to opera rehearsal, I was able to loosen up a bit, and my jaw wasn't as tense since I had to sing over an orchestra. Still not as free as I would like it to be.

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Woke up with some acid reflux and phlegm. Did some warm ups with 1/28/15. Still have some edginess in my voice/excessive airiness that I can't seem to balance out. I feel significantly less tense than I had this last weekend, but I just can't seem to figure out how to get the sound out of my throat. I can feel the folds coming together, rather than having the sound just "appear."

When I'm too airy, I can't get the sound to focus, and it feels airy at the source (the folds). When I try to get out of there, my vibrato getting beat-y and my folds feel like they're pressing together. I'm kind of struggling to find a happy medium.

• Lesson 9/11/16
• Lesson 2/26/16
• try to find focus in the sound; less "snow plow" air
• "you too"
• THINK of the SPACE that you want. Don't make it, but look for it.
• back molar "c" jaw opening. internal smile
• think of cold air against roof of mouth
• think of small point in the hard palate
• "happy eyes"
• Maybe think of just using the very very edge of the folds? Think hugging the fat man. 
• "beep" exercise
• thinking this way forces you to lighten up and use less of the "body" of the folds. The feeling of pressing is diminishing.
• just watch that you don't jam your jaw down. Think of gently (?) hugging the fat man with the pharynx and outer edges of the tongue. 
• Think of the onset of the pitch/word being outside of you, not at the folds
• Don't just think "release/relax." It has to be release from a place. Energized, not blah. 
• Back to Lesson 9/11/16
• REALLY close to yawn
• plug ears
• THINK. Focus on the good. 
• Lesson 12/2/16
• Use the whole body as a resonator

Left feeling okay, but shaky. It was better than before, but it didn't feel sustainable. 

Practice 1/9/17

• Lesson 1/28/15
• Find ease in the body/breath before anything!!
• Watch breath pressurization on upward leaps
• You know your breathing is released when you don't have to think about how much air to take in. THINK --> Sing. NOT think --> breathe --> sing. Think/breathe are one and the same. 
• Doing the "blip blip" exercise in quick succession really helped me to release into the breath without having to force myself to breathe a certain way. Air comes in and leaves naturally. 
• Watch that you abdomen doesn't punch inward upon initial start of sound/onset. 
• Once you have the onset down, let the sound spin after that. The larynx can regulate airflow much easier if the onset is correct. Takes no effort. 
• Let the air travel up the back of the pharynx, like a snake is sliding up the back of your throat. (Sounds weird, but the imagery works for me.) 
• Think opposite for vowels (i.e. a/o/u are forward)
• Watch descending phrases; don't get lazy. 
• watch your shoulders. They tend to go up towards the ears
• ~26 minutes (Woohoo! Improved from my 1.5 hours of yesterday.....) 
• Watch that you don't get lazy with the back molars! Don't think frown! Think SMILE