Practice 9/1/17

9:45 AM

Some residual phlegm on folds, but I think that's just dehydration. Causing some scratch in sound.

• Start low (no higher than G4)
• taking concepts from Lesson 8/31/17:
• gently release soft palate upwards; key is gentle
• be aware of root of tongue and tip of tongue
• watch [i] for purity, as well as [u]
• stay ground (use whip/belt/rope for pulling)
• be patient. start quietly.
• watch chin, and temporal muscles.
• gentle panting for scrape-y onsets
• sometimes thinking about tongue is too much; so think release space between molars AND front canines (so sound doesn't fall back)
• on [i]: release blade of tongue.
• back molars release (of both palates... hard/soft)
• experiment with different vowel order/patterns

Still some interference in larynx. Perhaps tongue? (Probably tongue.)

Practice 3/22/17 and Lesson 3/21/17

Voice actually feels pretty decent this morning. Must be the rain.

Warm up: ~10 minutes

• "nyam" 54321 
• completely released lips, space between back molars
• happy quiet ah, but don't try and /make/ your soft palate raise. Just let it be. 
• feel cool air on hard palate just behind front top teeth
• feel release in nostrils
• "ya" 54321 
• stay in lower range of your voice to get accustomed to complete release
• light/easy for higher pitches
• "yes sir" 8531
• precise/buoyant pitches. Watch that you don't slur. Legato is much simpler than "singing through"

Lesson 3/21/17

• "v" 1~8~1 
• siren-like
• use the pressure created from the semi-occlusion to relieve subglottic pressure
• wide in back
• "th---they" 87654321-35-87654321
• "yes sir" 8531
• "kitty kitty cat" 54321
• stay light on the higher pitches, and allow speech-like quality on bottom pitch (not from added breath pressure)
• [be de be de] 8531
• completely released back molars
• you can do happy inhale, but remember to stay released everywhere. Millimeters make a big difference!
• "nyam" 123454321`
• use the [n] to find the highness of the tone
• [fi fe fi fe fi] 564534231
• don't poop out breath
• big nostrils
• "my oh my" 8531
• child-like
• buoyant, no slur

Lesson Summary 3/14/17 and Practice 3/15/17

Yup, allergies are in full swing right now. Scratchy throat, runny nose, congestion, the works. Kind of feels like my folds are a little sandpaper-y right now.

Lesson 3/14/17

• Breathe for the instrument that you want. Breathe the space that you want. 
• breathe through your ears?
• about to sneeze
• Complete release in the jaw/cheeks/space between molars
• always reopen back to the space you need when you have to close for certain consonants. 
• it's a miniscule change, but it makes a huge difference!
• [i] is farther back
• you don't need your jaw to make [i]! 
• tip of the tongue is anchored to the bottom teeth
• hands on face/chin to monitor jaw movement
• energetic release of the pitch

Lynn Helding Lesson 2/27/17 and Practice 3/3/17

My tongue's default today was pretty released. So I started warm-ups by focusing on breathing and getting the soft palate up.

breathing with the dress on

Lesson 2/26/16 Warm-up ~12 min.

• Stretch up and slowly lower arms while maintaining ribcage suspension 
• lip magnet
• don't overfill with breath
• chomp the apple/rectangle mouth (but watch that your tongue stays horizontally released) 
• "happy" breath
• fingers in dimples to remind molar space and singing in mask
• don't use up your vocal capital unnecessarily 
• tip of tongue

Lesson 2/27/17 Lynn Helding

• 8:00
• equal opening/released in soft palate and in the throat
• "ah ah ah" 5-5-5-5-54321
• approach from above
• about to sneeze in between
• keep soft palate lifted as you descend
• **Vowel comes from the inside. Think the vowel on the inside and it will come out. Don't make the vowel
• **Don't force the vocalize to work. Just let it do its thing. If it's not perfect, it's fine. 
• [fla fle] 5-534-423-312-271. 
• watch the temporal muscle. You want to flex it.
• "Mignon" by Wolf
• "Gold" more open 
• [ka ga ka ga ga] On single pitch 
• prep with about to sneeze
• "kennst" 
• tip of tongue REALLY needs to be against bottom row of teeth
• It's never just one thing; jaw and tongue and abdominal release and etc. etc. etc. 
• soft palate: 
• [a] [e] [a] 5-5-5-5-54321
• "Una voce poco fa" 
• It's never an "all or nothing thing." We can make adjustments. 
• happy, quiet/sneezy
• practice your strategy an octave down.
• best vowel around G# is [a] 
• Millimeters (in the soft palate and tongue) make a huge difference!
• Trust that the sound will be focused and full; don't force it with the tongue or breath. 

************

Update:

I was in a really good place by the end of my practice, and it felt like my soft palate was miles up into my skull (in a good way), and everything just felt really easy. Since everything felt really released, later that night, I decided to try my hand in CCM again (in stark isolation, of course), and I decided to look up different singers and take a look at their belting techniques. (i.e. Charice) 

I also remembered Rebecca saying something about how Lynn Helding said that CCM requires a slightly lowered back tongue position, so I experimented with that, all the while maintaining the nice soft palate lift that I had managed to get before. I found a sound that I really liked and felt pretty healthy. It definitely felt like speech or shouting, depending on where in my range it was, but it wasn't exhausting on the voice at all. 

Some comparisons to classical singing:

• CCM definitely has a bit of a lower tongue. The back of the tongue isn't touching the top back molars, unlike classical singing. 
• There is more subglottal breath pressure (more noticeable in upper range), but I really didn't notice until I tried to return to classical technique. 
• In order to access the different harmonics in CCM, I feel like I had to open my mouth a lot wider than I would in classical singing for "higher" pitches. (This is something that I observed in the videos that I watched with healthy belters.) 
• Again, just a small difference in the height of the soft palate makes a huge acoustic difference for both styles. 
• Now, this is going to sound weird: In classical singing, it feels like there's a small ball of space that sits just below the "hump" of the hard palate and just behind the front top teeth. In CCM, it felt like the ball of space was just below the top back molars. This probably has something to do with the lowered tongue position as well. Also, when I was belting, it felt like I was singing out of my top back molars, but the sound was coming out the front of my face because of the resonance. 

Lesson 2/28/17 + Practice 3/1/17

Lesson 2/26/16 Warm-up. Began with some airiness in the tone. (That tends to be my default.)

• Don't be afraid to have space between molars
• A-O joint release
• release tip of the tongue
• horizontal release of the tongue
• take "complete" breaths

An observation during my warm-ups: because of the acoustic nature of the practice room, I think have a tendency to want to make a particular sound, rather than letting it happen. That may contribute to some of my tension, especially compared to how I like the acoustics in Dallas' office. 

Lesson 2/28/17

• "bap bap bap" 54321
• released lips
• slowly increase the length of the vowel. 
• "ringing ringing ring" 123454321
• "play me" 8531358531
• fully stop the air before continuing
• Don't let go of the air; there should be a sense of "continuity," rather than a change of pressure. 
• loud vs. concentrated
• let the "l" cue your tongue tip to release
• "if your tongue wasn't held down by fibers, it'd fall out of your face." 
• Imagine the plosive "p" exploding inward to prevent "letting go" of the air. 
• Your breath should build your instrument. 
• You don't have to sustain the final pitch; you're unnecessarily using voice. 
• Watch your shoulders/collarbones.... 
• [fi fe] 123454321
• sob
• [a e o e a] 1353-135853-13583-8531. 
• stretch
• Watch that the breath doesn't get frantic, even from the very beginning. 
• Again, watch the collarbone (wide) and released shoulders
• vowel change on the inside
• "I I I--- don't know" 5-4-3-2-1358531
• sob/whine
• Keep top lip completely soft/released. 
• Happy/quiet/"ah" inhale
• No horizontal spreading of the lips
• 1358531 
• Exaggerated released tongue: tip never leaves the bottom teeth
• "when I went to bed" 54321
• "Donatella's dead"
• "slender"/sob
• Don't "make" depth. Just allow it to happen. 
• "Randy never tells"
• "Danny never lies"
• mp

Really focus on the breathing technique. If you take a "quick" breath and you can hear it, that means a) you need to take more time, b) you're likely not "happy" or "ah" enough!!

Practice 1/20/17

Lesson 2/26/16. Refluxed pretty hard last night. Intense burning/dryness in the throat.

• Be aware of things moving, but don't try and make things move a certain way or make them be still. 
• move your head around as you vocalize
• trying "Serenity" essential oils....
• joyful face!
• dance around! Enjoy yourself! Move your body so you don't do any weird "preset" things before singing. 
• Don't actively try and make a certain sound; just let it come out. Have fun with it.

Lesson 4/22/16

• Take note of my healthy speech voice before the lesson...
• Really really scrunch up the face for "ringing"; feel the roundness of the cheek get sore
• Watch what you really like and think "like that." 
• As you descend; don't get lazy with the resonance. 
• Breathe in with an idea; like you're getting an idea/thinking
• watch punting
• Don't fill up all the way and let the pitch just happen. YOU HAVE TO TRUST IT. Trust that you don't need the air to push the tone out. Just let the tone fall out. You don't need to squeeze in the abdomen and punt it. 
• inhaling as you prepare will help prevent that collapse in the ribs/abs.
• Let the jaw do what it wants; don't push it forward or back. 
• chewy in the back molars; chewing the space

Lesson and Practice 1/7/17

I preceded this lesson by warming up with my 4/14/14 Lesson recording like yesterday. I warmed up for about 30 minutes at 11:00 am before my lesson at noon. At this point, I'm wondering if my new exercise regimen has something to do with my breathing technique and jaw tension. I've been doing light cardio for the past couple of weeks (~30 min. 3-5 days a week). 

I've sort of been feeling like my vocal tension dysphonia is just on the verge of becoming "bad" these last couple of weeks. Signs/symptoms that I typically notice:

• root of the tongue gets unusually tight
• I can't seem to release my jaw
• I can't help but spread the corners of my mouth and make things shallow. (It becomes my default.) 
• Even my low feels "beaty" or like the folds are coming together violently. The folds feel like they are pressing really hard together, resulting in quick vocal fatigue. 
• It feels like I've done everything possible to try and release, but I can't seem to figure out what is wrong. 

Take-aways:

• Think of vocal tension dysphonia as a "charlie-horse" cramp. Stretch it out. Exaggerate. 
• Feeling of suspension/singing on the gesture of the inhale/etc. from the bra-line down. Release everything above. 
• Begin the gesture of singing while the expansion in the lower body for inhalation is still happening. 
• Sometimes trying to be "quiet" or too careful doesn't work when trying to get rid of muscle tension dysphonia. 

Lesson Summary: (For practice, I started leaning forward on a chair...) 

• "puffy lips straw" phonation. (looks like a chimpanzee) 
• flip to the top pitch. Don't drag up. 
• "yawning, yelling yodeling" 
• molars stretched by opposing forces
• Use a bit of wiggling
• "I'm mighty" 
• Watch upward travel 
• listen to Cindy's model 
• "I'm Mary"
• "I'm Mabel/Mayree" 
• Watch that you don't add unnecessary pressure before the top pitch
• "ya ya"
• outward push from behind sternum
• eliminate unnecessary sostenuto 
• "why not"
• take pressure off during the middle range of voice
• "thee" flip ups/decay exercises
• "ng - m - n" 
• Always be conscious of jaw/tongue. Use the down to the shoulders from under the jaw sides. 
• really concentrate the nasal consonants. 
• "hng - nm - uiuiuiuiui- a"
• "n - n - n - a"
• think of buoyancy 
• exaggerate mouth opening during "n" (you can see the tongue behind top teeth) 
• "a - a- a- a- choo" pharynx
• Think of the top pitch before singing it
• "in the end"
• Take your time. 
• Think of your breath. 
• Think and sing--breath just happens with it. 
• Breath is coming in through the ears.
• [thi thi thi] 
• cheek massage
• sound is falling out of mouth to floor. The sound may come out of the upper cheeks than the mouth. 
• I'm noticing a tendency to lock my jaw.
• Alternate posture. Take a seat and lean forward with elbows on knees. 
• "Things are different in our bodies, but subtly so, so we tend to think something is wrong with our voice. That's not necessarily the case." When tensions are small, it's difficult to tell where it's coming from. 
• "Go to the body always--just notice the breath more." Especially when life gets stressful. 
• "oh why" on non-descript swooping. 
• think whiny 
• "my oh my" 
• watch that you don't brace with the body or the face!!! 
• "teeth"
• good release supra-laryngeally, but maintain sense of suspension below the bra line. 
• Don't release the energy with the air.... 
• Like the hamster wheel analogy. Keep the hamster below the bra line!
• Really think about this. Also, think of tracheal tug while maintaining release in the jaw. 
• "sigh" 
• encourage feeling of yawn as you do this. 
• Emily. Open your eyes. Don't squeeze them shut. What are you doing. 
• "what a day" (no kidding...)
• not going for volume. Absence of pressure + clarity. 
• "sobby" onset. 
• Watch your ears--you tend to tighten the muscle behind them and it's exhausting... (I know, right? Weird, Emily. Weird.)
• TRUST that you can sing it completely released. 
• "zi zi zieaouoaei"
• Watch that you don't come off your voice on the darker vowels. 
• internal grin!
• "zi" 
• show your top teeth
• Less singy. Just "cry" mode. 
• Don't get lazy as you descend! 
• try different head positions to stretch things out
• Don't try to sing soft, but you can sing lightly. 
• "why not"
• grandpa death rattle
• as you stretch, allow the tongue to be the occlusion. Not the throat. 
• "yawning, yelling, yodeling"
• concentrate the "ng"
• "Take a breath and let your voice fall on it, like a cushion."
• Focus on the "point of appoggio" - where there is the most resistance against the breath. 
• "caring"
• use the [k] 
• breathe low, and while you're still expanding, release the [k] while maintaining suspension. 
• also try not filling up as much as you can--try 2/3. Don't overfill. 
• I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS IDEA CAME FROM, BUT THIS HELPED A LOT. 
• long cheeks

We spent about an hour trying to get me released. And my practice session after that took about the same amount of time. 

Lesson 12/3/16

I was very sleep deprived before this lesson. As usual. I really really need to get my sleep schedule together sometime. That would be very nice. 

• Lip trills 1-5-1-5-1-8-1
• 1~8~1
• hug the fat man 
• Don't be too relaxed. Be energized. 
• the throat is a microcosm of the body. Release in the breath/body=release in the throat
• keep things simple; siren doesn't have vibrato. 
• "yawning" 8-7654321
• exaggerate shoulder tension to juxtapose with release
• "many" 123-234-345-456 etc. 
• Think in opposition to the tension
• Don't make the pitch. 
• Be less sing-y. Just stretchy phonation feeling. 
• [ng] [a] + crazy face 5-4-3-2-123454321. 
• have a pointy [ng] (not spread) 
• Think of having energy to release, rather than dead and released/lazy. 
• [fi fe fi] 56-45-34-23-1. Think of pleasant things. 
• don't think of long. Think of up. 
• esp. for tired days. Better to think of buoyancy than forcing energy.
• [a] 1538531538531538531. 
• bounce on bottom/top notes, and think of the middle notes as just cues to wiggle
• extend the exercise. Use [o]. 
• sing out of your tear ducts. 
• "achoo" 1-1-1-1-8531
• "ro-cking" 1-3-5-8531
• "raj-yaj-yaj(ng)-king" 
• slow down this exercise to think, rather than do. Don't make anything happen with the muscles. 
• go through [e] on the way to [i]
• the jaw doesn't help. everything is internal. 
• dummy on bottom, genius eyes. 
• eggshell exercise (with [u] external) [u o a eh e i] 
• feel the vowels change at the lips
• check tongue engagement (under the jaw) when changing vowels/pitch
• WATCH A-O JOINT BALANCE.
• [i e a] 1234543212345678987654321
• when you stop singing, if you tongue releases, you were grabbing. 

During the lesson, I was a little frustrated because my tongue kept on engaging, but by the end, I felt like I was beginning to re-grasp what it was like to sing in a released manner. 

Practice 10/17/16 and Lesson Summary 10/14/16

Warm-Up
Started out with a pretty "normal" voice. Nothing particularly strange. Some mild reflux. 

• Lesson 10/10/16 follow for ~20-25 minutes.
• Watch posture
• maintain connection 

Lesson Take-Aways:

• You don't need your face/body to make a sound. Just let it go!
• Breathe on your vowel. Watch clavicular breathing. 

Summary: 

• Lesson 10/14/16
• Don't be afraid to release the jaw
• Body and face is neutral! You don't need extra movement/contortions to get what you want!
• "ya/yo" 8531
• Watch tip of the tongue--it's anchored against the bottom row of teeth.
• The heel of the tongue mobile
• breathe in with the "y"
• Watch "hyo." Just "yo." 
• "gai lai" 5432123454321
• less "singy." Simple.
• [g] is crisp and high
• "sh+Vowel" 8-7654321-3-5-87654321 etc. 
• Release the spine as you release air. 
• Try planting the feet and twisting/swinging arms out in a horizontal propeller motion to release the back as you sing. You're bracing too much. 
• [mi si] 54321
• Watch that the [m] stays flexible in the soft palate
• [s] release jaw
• [a e o] 1353-135853-135838531. 
• Stretchy, luxurious feeling. 
• No change in pressure, just change in stretch
• not up and down, but through. 
• vowel internal 
• You don't have to work; just stay out of its way
• As you ascend, there isn't more pressure, but there's more concentration of the sound. 
• Watch that you don't brace with the root of the tongue

Now that I've done some vocalization and singing, I feel pretty good about my middle range and low range, but I've having a hard time finding that balance of "concentration" in the sound while maintaining release so it doesn't feel like I'm screeching, especially for my A5s.... 

Lesson Summary/Take-Aways 10/7/16 and Practice 10/10/16

Before starting this lesson, I didn't warm-up as usual and came with a cold voice, because I've noticed that a lot of my vocal issues from the get-go are pretty consistent, so I figured that we'd work through these issues together.

Lesson Summary:

We spent the first couple minutes discussing my last Lesson Summary, and something really interesting that I learned from this discussion was the idea of having all the air in the world available to you above the larynx that's released, and there's a "river" of air beneath the larynx that never pushes its way up, but it's available for the larynx to pull from.

• lip trills on 5-1-5-1
• feel like we're releasing all of our air, but our lips are regulating it. 
• move the head around for release in the neck area as well. 
• [a] 1-8-1-8-1-8-1 
• Do this in three different neck positions. 
• It's going to sound ugly. 
• "play me" 8-7654321
• [pl] put the pressure of the air behind the [p], and when you release the explosive consonant, you release the air above the larynx, not below it. 
• When it's working well, you can feel it in the consonant, but not in the body. 
• "yawning, yelling, yodeling" 8-7654321
• You have to be on the breath to be successful. 
• Use the "y" and "ng" to help you! 
• [i] 123454321-8-1
• Go up in the same elevator shaft. 
• [i] needs to have space behind it, not just be forward. 
• [i] 1-8-1 sliding. 
• Always stay connected (like the trust fall, holding arm and leaning back)
• It feels like there's more "tension," but not in a tightening way. Like the belting exercises that Karilyn had me do to keep some chest in my voice as I ascend. Maintain/increasing sense of space in the mouth as I ascend. 
• [fa fe fi fe fa] 56-45-34-23-1
• Don't get shallow. 
• [i] The bright vowels fall out of the mouth, rather than staying behind the teeth. 
• [a] 1-3-5-8-5-3-1-3-5-8531
• Staccato
• Keep face/lips released. 
• Balancing energy as you ascend
• This exercise was difficult! My abs are so tired when I'm done with this exercise.... 
• The onset is everything, and "losing the lid" is everything to do with the breath. 

Take-Aways: 

• The idea that all the air above the larynx is released, and air below the larynx is available, but it's not let through the flood-gates. This was the main idea that helped me the most throughout the lesson. 
• Sing "agitated" music with really free-flowing tone beneath, and it's the words themselves that make it sound agitated, not the breath gesture itself. (L'attente) 

Practice: 

• The soft palate feels a little tense sometimes, especially when I go to sing "Que fais-tu." So I practicing singing it on just the vowels and allowing the music to be smooth as if singing something like "Beau Soir." (Remember, the words make it agitated, not the singing itself.) 
• Take time after the breath to establish the "reservoir" beneath the larynx and releasing above. 

Lesson Take-Aways and Summary 9/30/16 and Practice 10/3/16

Take-aways:

• "like this"
• Be more giving with everything (performance and technique)

Summary: 

• [fa fe] 564534231
• Thumb under top teeth, to remind you of energy at top of mouth. 
• Juxtapose one in the lower voice with a higher one; maintaining that same sense of space from below as you have when you go up. 
• Think of sense of energy/non-specific or localized activation in top row of teeth to molars. 
• breath flow is consistent and equal (no punting) 
• *Don't be afraid of not-pushing with the air. Don't be too eager with the air to make sound. 
• Think of "angry Korean" for energy in the top of the mouth.
• [u y i] 1-1-123454321
• [u] has a lot of "depth" that you maintain into the other vowels. 
• [y] has a very strong sense of [i] before "exploding" out to the [i]
• "my oh my oh my" 13355331
• *allow the jaw to open like a yawn space. You're allowed to be that open. 
• expect it, and direct it. Don't make it. 
• *Keep head up, but everything else should go up, not just the chin. (i.e. sternum)
• *Remember, it's the upper molars going up, not the jaw going down. 
• breathe in on a [ng] 
• *use thumbs under molar cue so you don't jam jaw down. 
• *plug an ear to get a better sense of breath flow. 
• Breathe in through your back
• [i e] 123454321
• *When this is going well, it feels like my molars are vibrating "warmly" into my skull. It's so weird. and it's really loud with hardly any effort. It was almost irritating how much volume (not edgy or effortful at all) I got out of it. And ascending and descending felt like it was just a thought. Neat-o. 

I spent about ~35 minutes warming up. The thumbs under top molars thing really works and helps me to find that back and up space. It also makes me hyper aware of closing down, where the breath is going, and how much breath is flowing. 

Practice 9/25/16, Lesson Summary and Take-Aways 9/23/16

Some thoughts before I begin:
It's kind of an obvious thing, but I'm really starting to notice how much having food inside you before vocalizing really affects your singing. When I get stressed out, I either a) eat like there's no tomorrow, or b) don't eat anything ever. This last month has been more of a "b" kind of stress, so I haven't been eating much. As a result, I'm starting to understand how much of a difference food really makes. In my head, it's always made sense, but I guess it's just now starting to sink in that my eating habits aren't exactly healthy. I'm going to make it a goal to have a regular eating schedule.

Lesson 9/23/16
With that in mind, I feel like this lesson may have been more successful than last week because I forced myself to eat something before singing. When you're low on energy, it's easy to accumulate tensions because you're compensating for your lack of (breath) energy. I started this lesson pretty tired (from lack of sleep, not lack of food), and my voice felt pretty swollen. Whenever I went to produce sound, there was a small "hitch" in the breath as it would try to vibrate past the folds.

• "please" 54321: Watch that it's not shallow in your preparation. Open yourself up. 
• Let the breath out, let the breath open you, sing, repeat. Let it be organic. 
• 13-35-58-85-53-31 "I" 
• Go around the fat man with the "ay" when you ascend. 
• SUPER "yawn" 8531. 
• switch to "gah." Let the pressure of release originate at the [g], rather than at the folds. 
• switch to regular opening, not hyperextended. Looking for the suddenness of the release, not the breath pressure. 
• "My own" 1-87654321. 
• Have feeling of yawn in [a] of beginning and the [o] of the end, but allow the resonance space to change because of pitch difference. 
• Allow the "squealing" rather than "hissing." 
• "gai lai" 5432123454321. 
• Really think about more neutral face. Don't be dead, but be as released in the face as you are in the low notes in the top notes. 
• [mi me] 13-35-58-85-53-31
• Use finger on the forehead cue. It's like a hole the size of the tip of your finger, and your top note comes out of that hole. Depending on the pitch, the height of that hole will be higher or lower. 

By the time we finished vocalizes, I didn't feel completely ready to sing (at least, if I were in my own practice, I would still be vocalizing), so I wasn't quite sure if singing was a good idea. However, even if I didn't feel ready, I was surprised by how easily I was able to enter the act of singing (if that makes any sense). Just an observation. 

Even now, after following along with the lesson, I don't feel quite ready to sing, so I may go over some of the opening exercises a couple more times before getting into my music. 

Lesson Summary 9/16/16 and Practice 9/21/16

I usually get these summaries in sooner, but I'm going to be completely honest and say that this last lesson was extremely frustrating for me. I may or may not have had to work a little to hold back some angry tears because I couldn't figure out why my tongue or soft palate or throat wouldn't loosen up. It was particularly frustrating because I thought I understood what was wrong (Not so much the case right now, because I have no clue what is going on with my voice these days), but I couldn't get it to go away.

In hindsight, I need to start re-focusing on the positive aspects of my practice and recreating that, but my old habits have been getting the best of me lately.

In my practice since my lesson, I've still been plagued with weird tensions that I can't seem to eliminate, but I think I made some progress today (even though I got excited and may have oversung just a bit). However, by the end of the day, my voice felt pretty shot. Also, I've been doing a good job so far of not getting sick, but it's really difficult when all of your roommates are ill. I felt a little bit of odd swelling in the left side of my throat since I woke up, and I have been noticing that I've been more tired lately. But I'm going to stay healthy. Because I have recording to do this Friday. I. Am. Healthy. I. Am. Healthy. I. Am. Healthy.

Today's Practice (9/21/16): I wrote in my small notebook.

• Have been feeling stiff in tongue/throat for the past couple days. 
• Start low. Use nose breath that is spacious/released in nasopharynx. Use closed vowel [e] for tongue. 
• Start with smile, then move to internal smile. 
• Novocaine Jaw. 
• Be light with sound. Use [nem], but consonants are light. 
• "truly" 8-1 scale. Think [ng] on the 3rd above the top note and really visualize singing it. Breathe in the vowel. 
• Focus on the positives!!
• "Sing" 8-5-3-1
• loose lips!
• Finally released. Now to find the height again. Took ~30-40 min. 
• Sometimes go fast enough to trick yourself and not have time to grab. 
• Follow 9/11/16 lesson. 
• REALLY think loose mouth. 
• steady breath pressure
• avoid the mirror--you tend to "make" faces. 
• [a-o] 1-8-787878-5-3-1.
• resonance shouldn't shift dramatically. if you're having a hard time, allow jaw to fall more open and back! Don't let tongue shove forward. 
• "like that" with breath onset and suspension/sustain
• ~30 min. 
• ~1 hr. total vocal alignment. 
• Feels much better. Tongue less engaged. 

Lesson Summary 9/16/16:

• "way" on child-like descending passages. 
• 1-81-81-81-81 "ah" wobble exercises. 
• "ah-oh" 1-35-3-1358531. 
• "happy surprise" feeling. Things are a bit lazy inside, so don't be so relaxed inside. 
• [i-e-o-a] 12345678987654321-12345678987654321-12345678-arpeggio thing. 
• (This is where I got really frustrated, because I knew what I wanted, and I've done it before, but I was upset that I couldn't do it. To be honest, it still frustrates me.) 
• We worked on this for 10 minutes. 
• Pay attention to breath flow and subglottal pressure. If you allow more airflow, increase the space to reduce pressure. 
• Get out of the sound's way. Never make the sound. 
• [a-o-a] 1-8-531. 
• Have things live in a more nasal place for your consonants when you first start them to find placement. 

This is turning into a really long post, but I have a lot of things on my mind right now. I think I can attribute a lot of my vocal issues to stress, and I feel like this is more of a mental block than anything. I've been trying to work around really strong feelings of inadequacy that I seemed to have developed over the summer. Yes, I'll have my days when my technique falls into place, and I can figure my way out of bad voice days. But I feel like more often than not I'm just flailing because when I think I've figured things out, it falls apart and I'm left in a vocal rut for weeks on end, and it's very discouraging. That's not to say that I still don't love what I'm doing. It's just been really hard when it feels like all the work that you've done isn't manifesting itself in the way that you want it to. I feel all of this stress, and I think it's just showing up in vocal tensions that I haven't felt in a long time. Like old habits rising from the grave. I know it's unreasonable to say that I feel like I've made no progress, because I know that's not true, but when you've got that learning curve that goes up and down, it's difficult when you've been stuck in the down curve for so long, especially when compared to the time spent in the up curve. 

I will admit that typing that out was very cathartic. But that's how my life has been for the past couple of months. I guess the only thing I can do from here is to keep walking forward and hope for the best. 

Lesson Take-Aways 9/16/16

Sorry, I thought I did this, but apparently I didn't.

• Nasally consonants
• Watch that the pharynx stays open/back
• Keep the depth
• Don't move the foot up. Add on top of it. 
• Mole hill to a mountain. 
• Novocaine Jaw/mouth. 

Practice and Lesson 9/11/16 Summary, 9/12/16

• Lesson 2/27/16: warm up
• Start really light, then go into speech. 
• Cool air on the back roof of the mouth. 
• Big opening with small sound. 
• Lesson 9/12/16: Threading the voice
• "wah": 8531358531, thumb under top tooth
• cold air on top roof of the mouth
• close to yawn
• "yawning" 8531.
• air flow is cool; the pitch lands on top of the air flow. 
• "many" 132435465768798-and down
• incremental yawn/stretch
• [a-o] 1-8-787878-5-3-1. 
• don't punch! Even airflow. 
• [ae] 13-35-58-85-53-31
• think more of space, not of sound. 
• 1353-135853-13583 [a e o e a]
• Novocaine Jaw!! or else you'll have laryngeal scrape. 
• Consonants are very close to nasal, but not. 
• consistent air flow; no punching .
• think vowels as closer to [o] or [e]
• smaller mouth opening, but larger space in back. Look for resonant space all above the mouth. 

I wasn't as released as I was in my actual lesson, but I think that's because I haven't eaten in 18 hours. When I have food in my stomach, it's easier to anchor down the air flowand not wear out the voice with additional air pressure. 

Lesson Take-Aways 9/11/16

These last couple of days I've been feeling a little off in my singing. Things felt just a tiny bit more mucous-y than usual, and I was worried that maybe I was getting sick (since a lot of people that I know are sick right now). My onsets were a little weird still, and my vibrato felt a little bit beat-y (but that's not really news at this point).

I warmed up by following along with the 2/27/16 and 7/18/16 lessons before my voice lesson today. I focused on ease of onsets and keeping things small. My high voice felt there, but I couldn't quite release into my full singing voice without my vibrato getting weird.

• Breathe with cold air on the top of the mouth; the pitch rides the airflow, and the airflow is at the level of the pitch. 
• Novocaine jaw
• all vowels live in the [o] dome
• consonants are very very close to the nasal sounds. 
• Efficiency with the breath comes from efficiency with your singing technique. 
• When the vibrato is being weird, it's usually because the tongue is bunching, and you're not getting high enough with the soft palate. 
• DEMAND CONSISTENCY AND EFFICIENCY. 

And, as usual, my voice felt awesome by the end of my lesson. 

Practice and Dr. Ballam Coaching 9/8/16

I had to wake up early to start warming up because of my meeting with Dr. Ballam at 8:30am. At around 7:30, I began vocalizing and following along with my usual lessons these days, 2/26/16 and 7/18/16.

I felt fine warming up, but when it came to focusing the breath and resonance, I realized (a little too late) that, because I hadn't eaten, it was difficult to stabilize my breath, and therefore my vibrato.

***

Dr. Ballam started out the session by asking me about myself--how long I had been singing (since sophomore year of high school), my piano/flute experience, why I chose to sing rather than pursue instrumental music, etc.

We worked in "Va! Laisse couler mes larmes" from Werther. We spent most of our time on interpretation, rather than technical things (as expected).

Some of my personal thoughts on my actual voice before proceeding: I managed to get more into my body as we went on; breathing became less of a hindrance once I got the chance to move around and stand for a bit. Things were still a little heavy in terms of vibrato (esp on the F5), but I started to get into the higher resonance towards the end of the coaching. Working on vowels helped.

• The first note you sing is very important! Put all the meaning into it! The pitch should be dead on when you sing it. If you get any note, it should be this one. 
• Why is the chord major after singing "ma cherie?" Massenet (two syllables) used accompaniment to comment on the text after the fact. 
• Charlotte is like a mother to Sophie, according to her mother's wishes (which included marrying Albert). 
• This is more of a soliloquy once you "dismiss" Sophie. 
• Internalize where she is.
• there is no text repetition, except at the very end. Make every word count.
• Read "The Sorrows of Young Werther" to get a better understanding. 
• work on making French [oe], rather than English "uh" 
• Open up vowels that close down (i.e. [u]) while maintaining the integrity of the vowel for projection. 
• Saxophone plays at the beginning, not bassoon.... (interesting. Didn't know that.)

The main things to take away:

• Singing is more than making music; it's telling a story. Don't be afraid to use your body. 
• French [oe] vs. English "uh"
• Don't be afraid to be someone else: You are Charlotte. Not Emily. 
• Feel every word in your body. (example: "Notre ame" "OUR soul")

I'm excited to work with Dr. Ballam again; I felt like I figured out more about how to use gestures AND facial expressions to convey a message. Very inspiring and motivational. 

Practice 4/25/16 and Lesson Take-Aways 4/22/16

Allergies are still pretty bad these days. I've got a pretty awesome headache as well.

• Lip trills to warm up. 
• divert breath pressure away from the glottis
• THINK the pitch before singing it. No pre-setting. 

• Follow with Lesson 2/26/16 to warm up. 

• Leson 4/22/16 for additional technique. 
• Open throat for lip trills; helps to practice consistency of breath pressure without pushing
• Don't overdo it with air; you don't need as much air as you think you need. 
• you only need your tongue to articulate consonants. You don't need your jaw (most of the time)

• ~35 minutes warm up. 

Practice 4/11/16 + Lesson 4/8/16 Takeaways

These last couple of days I've had this constant phlegm sitting on my folds, and I always feel like I have to clear my throat since it's so mucus-y. I remember to take Mucinex today, so hopefully that will help some things. Probably allergies. Throat feels a little itchy too. Especially when I sing sometimes.

Lesson:

• "pree" 54321. Pay attention to where the [i] sits in relation to the [r]. 
• Think of timbre as you descend. 
• take your time with breath. 
• THINK what you want. No presetting. 
• Think of "opposites" for vowels. [i] has the most space in back. 
• Back molar space. 
• Keep elements of previous vowels in the next vowel so that there isn't as much of an excursion between vowels. 
• It's okay to sing the higher notes with less weight; when you add volume, don't shift positions. Allow that same released position to happen. 
• Tries [zi ze za zo zu] 123456789-9-9-9-987654321-1-1-1. 
• I was trying to do an ascending exercise, but everything felt pretty draggy, so I added buoyancy with literal "bounces" on the 1, 5, and 9 pitches, and that really helped. 

Warm up ~30 min. Feel pretty good after all that. Voice definitely feels swollen to some degree, but it's not too bad. Just a little uncomfortable. 

Lesson Take-Aways (3/16/16) and Practice 3/17/16

Lesson:

• Establish feeling of release first thing! Then pitch readiness. 
• "furnace" bottom
• "yawn": consonants are not a narrowing to get through, but rather a pitch point to depart from. 
• "m" is just the lips coming together before a pitch. 
• Think of higher pitch before descending. Constant feeling of "huh"
• allow the folds to stretch before singing
• Activate the face! Don't be dead. 
• The back of oral cavity also functions as throat, including high arch of tongue! Don't narrow that! (Back molar space and released tongue). 
• "may oh may I" 1358531. Think of the air space around the tongue changing for vowel, but not the tongue. 

Practice:

Started out with some phlegm, but it's very mild. Otherwise, I feel pretty good. Had to do some public speaking this morning, and I could project fine, but my voice was sort of low. Probably because it was early. 

• precise onset of consonants
• Don't push for sound. Just let it fall out. Esp. with depth!
• lipstick stain on mirror
• On arpeggio exercise, don't push with the air! Allow the feeling to lighten and round out on its own.
• "gira la voce"
• pay attention to how the jaw swings back. Don't push down. Swing back. 
• Think of how it feels; don't force a sound. 

I think I lost my connection with my nasal resonance, so I did a lot of nasal/non-nasal back and forth exercises to reestablish that. I think I'm getting too into my "hah" without stretching up high enough either. More teeth? 

I also feel the back of the pharynx "moving forward," rather than staying back and open. Focus on the good!!

I also listened to my 2/26/16 Lesson. Doing the small "nyam" exercises helped me find a method of vocal production that didn't feel "sand papery"/airy on my glottis. 

• Soft molars and jaw.

~40 min. before practicing music.