Practice 1/18/17

Lesson 11/20/14

Not much to say here, but I'm going to put down this problem in the event that Cindy comes across it.

Throat feels really open and released, but now it feels like my tongue is falling into my throat and everything is getting swallowed, especially my open vowels. This is something that has kept coming back to bite me in the butt, and I don't know how to fix it.

Been trying [ng] or [g/k] exercises because it feels like the heel of the tongue is falling back.
Lion breath/panting, and hairball
Lean forward and let gravity bring the tongue out of the throat

Practice 1/16/17 and OSU Audition

Okay. This is going to be a long post. Here's a recap of these last couple of days: I've been struggling really hard this last month with some crazy root-of-the-tongue tension and a lazy soft palate. It feels like there's lack of coordination between my folds coming together and my breathing mechanism, and as a result, it feels like I can only sing 1.5 measures before feeling completely winded. It almost feels as though I'm hyperventilating because I can't seem to get enough air.

There's also been this feeling of "stuffiness" in my nasal resonance, as if I'm singing with a stuffy nose, and as a result, it feels like my resonance is muffled. I've spent the last couple of days also stretching out the root of my tongue by sticking out my tongue as far as I can and lifting my chin and moving my head from side to side to stretch it out. It's extremely tight, and as a result, this stretch is slightly uncomfortable.

****

When I went to OSU, I was still struggling with these issues, and after my performance in VRH on Tuesday, I felt like I was going to bomb my audition. I left Utah at midnight and arrived in OSU at 8:15 a.m., getting a total of 2-3 hours of sleep before my audition. In my warm-ups preceding my audition, my voice very extremely edgy, like rubbing sandpaper together, but after some panic-practice, my voice sort of fell into place and I was able to fake through my audition from a vocal perspective. I think my performance (besides the vocal technique) was good, and I didn't have that panicky breath problem during "Must the winter come so soon." I started with the Rachmaninoff, followed by "Que fais-tu," then the Vanessa. I would give myself a 6.5 or 7/10 for that audition, with 10 being the best-case scenario with me performing at my highest potential.

By the end of the day, my voice was shot, and I'm not sure if it was because of sleep-deprivation, bad technique, or both. Regardless, I ended up sleeping for more than twelve hours that night because of my lack of sleep the nights before.

****

When I got home, I took a day to rest my voice and my body because I was so exhausted. My voice was pretty fatigued the day after my audition, so I decided to take things easy. Even so, when I resumed my practice the day after that, I still was plagued with intense tongue tension that felt like my tongue was cramping in the back.

*****

Today, I finally gave in and had the idea to pull out my earplugs and spend my entire practice, from start to finish, with my ears plugged. I spent 2 hours slowly aligning my voice by following old lessons (1/28/15, 1/14/15, 2/26/16, and 11/4/15), focusing on releasing tensions, not trying to make a certain sound. I managed to find a significant amount of release compared to these previous weeks, but my resonance is still a little off, I think. However, I think I'm discovering a slightly different resonance? that sounds more muffled when I take my earplugs out, but it feels a little easier to ascend and move throughout my range.

I think I'm going to spend these next couple of days finding release before focusing in on my resonance. I need to quit trying to jump the gun and take my time.

Practice 1/11/17

Running off of 4.5 hours of sleep. As usual. Also, since last night, I've felt a bit of chest congestion/urge to cough with some phlegm coming up. However, I can immediately feel that my soft palate is lighter than the beginning of yesterday.

• Lesson 12/2/16 (because this was also a sleep-deprived lesson)
• Back panting + release in area right next to upper molars. 
• It feels like a soft ball that rests just behind the arch of the tongue. If that makes sense
• also, don't think too far back. Look inside and see what your throat looks like. Don't try and make it deeper than it is. Just let it be. 
• Sneezing sensation. 
• Everything external is soft, with internal smile!
• LOOK and be aware of the space that you want, but don't make it. 
• you'll feel it in the way the cool air touches the top outer edges of the mouth when you inhale. AGAIN, DO NOT make the space. Just look for it!
• Seem to want to default to swallowing [a], and default to closing jaw for [i]. 
• "raj-aj-aj-king"
• perhaps think [ae] instead of [a]
• experiment with diphthongs. 
• Watch breath; the whole body is resonating, so the whole body needs to be released. 
• top-down release. If the soft palate is up and released, the tongue and jaw are much easier to follow suit. 
• The jaw (tip) is DEAD when you ascending. THINK. 
• ~37 minutes. 

Practice 1/10/17

UPDATE 2: OKAY. So, I got desperate, and I decided to do some late night practicing because I knew that there had to be something that I could do to get out of this funk. After VRH, I will admit that I went into panic mode because my performance was far from what I needed it to be.

I started practicing again, and to be honest, this time whenever I sang, it felt like I just couldn't get enough air since it was all just leaking out of my body ("snowplowing") and I couldn't seem to stop. I wondered if it was because I had lost some weight recently and I couldn't get into my body, but a part of me didn't quite believe that. I spent a good amount of time listening to my favorite artists, but it just didn't seem to be translating well into my own body. That's when I got the idea to listen to my audition recordings, where I felt I had a pretty good sense of what I wanted. I thought about breath and how I sing when I'm sick. I thought that I usually sing better when I'm sick because perhaps I focused more on breath and diverting the pressure away from the folds, but that only made me tight in my chest no matter how much time I spent on it.

After listening to my recording of "Must the winter come so soon," I noticed on some of my high notes that there was a feeling of spaciousness? in the back that I had been missing, and hearing my own voice sing it made it really easy to translate into my body, and my body remembered almost immediately what it felt like to have a high soft palate. It felt like the area by my upper molars just lifted and the soft palate all of a sudden became weightless. Just that one element changed EVERYTHING. All of a sudden, my breath was easy to manage, my jaw followed suit, and singing became so easy that I almost started crying. It's amazing how big of a difference the soft palate can make in your singing. At first, things were a little shaky and it was difficult for me to sustain that high soft palate position, but the more I eased into it by singing pieces like "Meine Liebe" or "L'attente," the more I was able to remember how it felt and soon I had no trouble singing with a high soft palate 95% of the time. WOOHOO. Hopefully my body will remember this tomorrow morning when I go to practice.

TL;DR SOFT PALATE IS EVERYTHING.

*******

UPDATE: Sang for VRH. It was horrendous. I couldn't seem to get out of my throat, and my soft palate felt like it was blocking my nasal cavity, and as a result, there were a lot of pitch problems, and my vibrato felt like it was just falling into my stomach. It was not good at all. However, when I went to opera rehearsal, I was able to loosen up a bit, and my jaw wasn't as tense since I had to sing over an orchestra. Still not as free as I would like it to be.

**********

Woke up with some acid reflux and phlegm. Did some warm ups with 1/28/15. Still have some edginess in my voice/excessive airiness that I can't seem to balance out. I feel significantly less tense than I had this last weekend, but I just can't seem to figure out how to get the sound out of my throat. I can feel the folds coming together, rather than having the sound just "appear."

When I'm too airy, I can't get the sound to focus, and it feels airy at the source (the folds). When I try to get out of there, my vibrato getting beat-y and my folds feel like they're pressing together. I'm kind of struggling to find a happy medium.

• Lesson 9/11/16
• Lesson 2/26/16
• try to find focus in the sound; less "snow plow" air
• "you too"
• THINK of the SPACE that you want. Don't make it, but look for it.
• back molar "c" jaw opening. internal smile
• think of cold air against roof of mouth
• think of small point in the hard palate
• "happy eyes"
• Maybe think of just using the very very edge of the folds? Think hugging the fat man. 
• "beep" exercise
• thinking this way forces you to lighten up and use less of the "body" of the folds. The feeling of pressing is diminishing.
• just watch that you don't jam your jaw down. Think of gently (?) hugging the fat man with the pharynx and outer edges of the tongue. 
• Think of the onset of the pitch/word being outside of you, not at the folds
• Don't just think "release/relax." It has to be release from a place. Energized, not blah. 
• Back to Lesson 9/11/16
• REALLY close to yawn
• plug ears
• THINK. Focus on the good. 
• Lesson 12/2/16
• Use the whole body as a resonator

Left feeling okay, but shaky. It was better than before, but it didn't feel sustainable. 

Practice 1/9/17

• Lesson 1/28/15
• Find ease in the body/breath before anything!!
• Watch breath pressurization on upward leaps
• You know your breathing is released when you don't have to think about how much air to take in. THINK --> Sing. NOT think --> breathe --> sing. Think/breathe are one and the same. 
• Doing the "blip blip" exercise in quick succession really helped me to release into the breath without having to force myself to breathe a certain way. Air comes in and leaves naturally. 
• Watch that you abdomen doesn't punch inward upon initial start of sound/onset. 
• Once you have the onset down, let the sound spin after that. The larynx can regulate airflow much easier if the onset is correct. Takes no effort. 
• Let the air travel up the back of the pharynx, like a snake is sliding up the back of your throat. (Sounds weird, but the imagery works for me.) 
• Think opposite for vowels (i.e. a/o/u are forward)
• Watch descending phrases; don't get lazy. 
• watch your shoulders. They tend to go up towards the ears
• ~26 minutes (Woohoo! Improved from my 1.5 hours of yesterday.....) 
• Watch that you don't get lazy with the back molars! Don't think frown! Think SMILE

Practice 1/8/17

Started this morning feeling significantly more released. I didn't have to sing to know that my voice was feeling much better today. However, there was still a significant amount of edginess in my voice that I've been struggling to get rid of. I followed yesterday's lesson, and that helped me a lot with getting my breathing technique a little more under control. To help with the edginess, I decided to re-listen to the 1/28/15 lesson because I remembered this lesson being particularly helpful with this. The panting exercises really help me to release. I also think it somehow helps me to cue the soft palate to be in a higher place without me having to "force" it into place, and that helped. Besides that, I don't have very many notes. I spent a good 1 hr 20 min. trying to realign the voice. 

• Lesson 1/7/17
• Start with focus on breathing
• on swooping [i] exercise, tongue is fat and almost overflowing over bottom front teeth. 
• Allow the head to loll into different directions. 
• Lesson 1/28/15

Lesson and Practice 1/7/17

I preceded this lesson by warming up with my 4/14/14 Lesson recording like yesterday. I warmed up for about 30 minutes at 11:00 am before my lesson at noon. At this point, I'm wondering if my new exercise regimen has something to do with my breathing technique and jaw tension. I've been doing light cardio for the past couple of weeks (~30 min. 3-5 days a week). 

I've sort of been feeling like my vocal tension dysphonia is just on the verge of becoming "bad" these last couple of weeks. Signs/symptoms that I typically notice:

• root of the tongue gets unusually tight
• I can't seem to release my jaw
• I can't help but spread the corners of my mouth and make things shallow. (It becomes my default.) 
• Even my low feels "beaty" or like the folds are coming together violently. The folds feel like they are pressing really hard together, resulting in quick vocal fatigue. 
• It feels like I've done everything possible to try and release, but I can't seem to figure out what is wrong. 

Take-aways:

• Think of vocal tension dysphonia as a "charlie-horse" cramp. Stretch it out. Exaggerate. 
• Feeling of suspension/singing on the gesture of the inhale/etc. from the bra-line down. Release everything above. 
• Begin the gesture of singing while the expansion in the lower body for inhalation is still happening. 
• Sometimes trying to be "quiet" or too careful doesn't work when trying to get rid of muscle tension dysphonia. 

Lesson Summary: (For practice, I started leaning forward on a chair...) 

• "puffy lips straw" phonation. (looks like a chimpanzee) 
• flip to the top pitch. Don't drag up. 
• "yawning, yelling yodeling" 
• molars stretched by opposing forces
• Use a bit of wiggling
• "I'm mighty" 
• Watch upward travel 
• listen to Cindy's model 
• "I'm Mary"
• "I'm Mabel/Mayree" 
• Watch that you don't add unnecessary pressure before the top pitch
• "ya ya"
• outward push from behind sternum
• eliminate unnecessary sostenuto 
• "why not"
• take pressure off during the middle range of voice
• "thee" flip ups/decay exercises
• "ng - m - n" 
• Always be conscious of jaw/tongue. Use the down to the shoulders from under the jaw sides. 
• really concentrate the nasal consonants. 
• "hng - nm - uiuiuiuiui- a"
• "n - n - n - a"
• think of buoyancy 
• exaggerate mouth opening during "n" (you can see the tongue behind top teeth) 
• "a - a- a- a- choo" pharynx
• Think of the top pitch before singing it
• "in the end"
• Take your time. 
• Think of your breath. 
• Think and sing--breath just happens with it. 
• Breath is coming in through the ears.
• [thi thi thi] 
• cheek massage
• sound is falling out of mouth to floor. The sound may come out of the upper cheeks than the mouth. 
• I'm noticing a tendency to lock my jaw.
• Alternate posture. Take a seat and lean forward with elbows on knees. 
• "Things are different in our bodies, but subtly so, so we tend to think something is wrong with our voice. That's not necessarily the case." When tensions are small, it's difficult to tell where it's coming from. 
• "Go to the body always--just notice the breath more." Especially when life gets stressful. 
• "oh why" on non-descript swooping. 
• think whiny 
• "my oh my" 
• watch that you don't brace with the body or the face!!! 
• "teeth"
• good release supra-laryngeally, but maintain sense of suspension below the bra line. 
• Don't release the energy with the air.... 
• Like the hamster wheel analogy. Keep the hamster below the bra line!
• Really think about this. Also, think of tracheal tug while maintaining release in the jaw. 
• "sigh" 
• encourage feeling of yawn as you do this. 
• Emily. Open your eyes. Don't squeeze them shut. What are you doing. 
• "what a day" (no kidding...)
• not going for volume. Absence of pressure + clarity. 
• "sobby" onset. 
• Watch your ears--you tend to tighten the muscle behind them and it's exhausting... (I know, right? Weird, Emily. Weird.)
• TRUST that you can sing it completely released. 
• "zi zi zieaouoaei"
• Watch that you don't come off your voice on the darker vowels. 
• internal grin!
• "zi" 
• show your top teeth
• Less singy. Just "cry" mode. 
• Don't get lazy as you descend! 
• try different head positions to stretch things out
• Don't try to sing soft, but you can sing lightly. 
• "why not"
• grandpa death rattle
• as you stretch, allow the tongue to be the occlusion. Not the throat. 
• "yawning, yelling, yodeling"
• concentrate the "ng"
• "Take a breath and let your voice fall on it, like a cushion."
• Focus on the "point of appoggio" - where there is the most resistance against the breath. 
• "caring"
• use the [k] 
• breathe low, and while you're still expanding, release the [k] while maintaining suspension. 
• also try not filling up as much as you can--try 2/3. Don't overfill. 
• I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS IDEA CAME FROM, BUT THIS HELPED A LOT. 
• long cheeks

We spent about an hour trying to get me released. And my practice session after that took about the same amount of time. 

Practice 1/6/17

I'm back in Logan, and it's... very cold. Has it always been this cold? I feel like -20 degrees is a little excessive...

I've been struggling with having a really heavy vibrato that seems to want to stay in my throat. I get vocally tired easily, and it's been really annoying, but I wasn't quite sure how to approach it. I knew it had something to do with trying too hard with my soft palate and the root of my tongue. Once I got home to Logan, I was able to access really old voice lessons, and that helped quite a bit to change up the routine.

• Lesson 4/14/14 (I know... it's old) 
• on "fi fe fi" jaw gently back (from "sh" positioning) 
• "sh" is gentle as well in "shopping"
• LIGHTEN UP. You're pushing down with something (jaw or tongue...) 
• Focus solely on descending exercises
• Don't pull back with corners of mouth

The first couple of exercises (~first 12 minutes of the recording) were most helpful, and I was able to get out of my throat, but as soon as I went on to the next exercise, my voice went right back to where it was before, so I repeated those first couple of exercises a couple more times to get it in my body. I then followed along according to the recording. 

• Watch shoulders tensing
• Much more forward than you want it to be 
• Once you've found release, if it's still "edgy," try opening up a little more. 

I don't know what it is about singing at my apartment vs. my parents' house, because I always seem to do better when I'm in Logan. I feel much better. There is still definitely some lingering tensions, but I'm not vocally exhausted, which is nice. 

Practice 1/1 and 1/3/2017

Happy New Year!!! WOO-HOO! Hopefully I can stay on top of these next four months. It's gonna be crazy.

I've been struggling with the root of my tongue lately. It's been feeling a little stiff and heavy, and when I ascend in pitch, I have a tendency to stiffen my jaw and brace. I've been working on that for the last couple of days, and it's been kicking my trash a bit.

• Lesson 8/24/16
• Jaw down and back
• Don't push down with the jaw
• "gai lai" really helps
• light/easy
• try going crazy with the head and face to loosen up. 
• Focus on single point in head when ascending. Closing the vowel helps
• Don't push with the breath. Anchor. 
• For the double octave jumps, the only thing that changes is where the sound is vibrating. It feels like nothing moves/changes, except there's a feeling of activity/vibration? in the front of the face vs. in the lower part of the range. 
• Don't brace with the jaw/root of the tongue
• plug ears for a bit.